CAPTAIN AMERICA – tells Falcon, “I fought Nazis once before. They’re extremely dangerous.” They then see the guy scaling the Capitol wall fall into the shrubs. Falcon: “You sure these are the same Nazis?”
IRON MAN – lands by the guy carrying the podium. Says, “Mind if I borrow this?” then tosses it to Hulk, who swings it like a bat at the mob. Guy: “Hey, that’s MY podium!” Iron Man: “Actually it’s the Speaker’s. And technically, it’s a lectern.” Then punches him through a wall.
BLACK WIDOW – enters hotel room where Jack Dorsey is tied up. Rips duct tape off his mouth. Jack: “I’ll do anything you want!” BW: “Disable POTUS’s Twitter. NOW!” Jack fumbles with his phone. “Done. Anything else?” BW: “Yeah. Trim your beard for God’s sake.” *tosses him clippers*
HULK – grabs a selfie stick from one of the guys and beats him over the head with it. Deeming it too small, he grabs another guy’s Confederate flag and takes out a whole swath of rioters. He then tosses the flag to Cap, who uses it as a javelin to impale a fleeing Ted Cruz.
HAWKEYE – hears Iron Man in his earpiece say, “Looks like Orange Julius is tweeting from another account.” Hawkeye: “On it.” He locks in on Trump through the White House window and fires an arrow, knocking the phone out of Trump’s hands. Hawkeye: “Damn that felt good.”
THOR – comes face to face with the Viking guy. Says defensively, “Pfft. What a stupid outfit.” Star-Lord: “He’s dressed exactly like you.” Thor: “Heh, not likely. I don’t wear…rabbit hats.” Rocket: “It’s a raccoon.” Thor: “Whatever. The point is – I do NOT look like him.” Just then, Drax approaches the Viking Guy and casually says, “Hey Thor.” Star-Lord shoots Thor a “Told ya so” look. Groot whispers “I am Groot” to Rocket and they both laugh. Thor angrily wields Stormbreaker, and Viking Guy runs off, calling for his mom.
DR. STRANGE – sees Josh Hawley running down the Capitol hall. Strange opens a time portal and Hawley runs straight into it. We see Hawley tumble out into the year 1984. Wong: “Now *that* is Orwellian.” Strange: “No, it’s not—has *anyone* actually read that book?”
SPIDER-MAN – hears Iron Man in his ear say, “Zip-Tie Guy at 3 o’clock. Why don’t you show him how it’s done, kid?” Peter swings across the Rotunda and spots him. He shoots webs around the guy’s hands and ankles, hog-tying him. Then joins the rest of his class on their field trip.
BLACK PANTHER – as rioters chant “Let us in!” at the Capitol door, they’re suddenly drowned out by a louder “Yibambe!” chant led by T’Challa. When the two groups converge, one white woman asks if the Jabari “have a permit,” and another accuses M’Baku of stealing her cellphone.
WINTER SOLDIER – While easily fending off a mob, Captain America says, “I actually *can* do this all day.” He then spots Bucky Barnes amongst the rioters, wearing a QAnon shirt. Cap says, “Oh no. He got brainwashed again.”
ANT-MAN – he’s tasked with leading the members of Congress out of the fray. He shrinks down and lands in Mike Pence’s hair to direct him and the others to safety. A photo of this goes viral, as people think the Debate Fly returned.
CAPTAIN MARVEL – The Squad confronts the guy in Pelosi’s office and demands he give back her mail, “or we’ll take it back.” Guy: “You and what army?” Then, Captain Marvel, Gamora, Scarlet Witch, Valkyrie, and every other female MCU character descend into the room one by one.
THANOS – sends out a tweet distancing himself from Trump.
#Avengers #respond #Capitol #riot