A pigeon shat on me so I raped it, AITA?

So, this might sound odd but please hear me out. I (48M) was walking back home on a sorrowful, winter night after I got ruthlessly fired from my job. Harbouring no sense of meaning in life, I decided to waste nearly all of my remaining money on alcohol and drink my sorrows away. Drunk as fuck, I also couldn’t see anything due to the amount of tears blocking my vision. Firstly my wife(36F) breaking up with me and taking the kids with her, and now my boss (41M) pissing all over my chance at economic stability.
It couldn’t get any worse, could it?

A pigeon (6M) brutally shat on my face. It brutally propelled vile faeces all over my eyes and mouth.

I felt like a ticking time bomb, about to explode. All of my struggles I suffered today, focused onto one act of rage, ignited by a barbaric fucking bird(6M).

What would I do to take out all of this anger? punch the wall? punch the pigeon(6M)? scream my lungs out?

No.

My bodily instincts told me to do something else. Although the capacity of my anger reached it’s limit, it’s not the only emotion that has been waiting to explode.

My sex drive.

Every since Clara(36F) left me with the kids, I’ve been in isolation from any kind of sexual contact. This is my body telling me that this is a chance. A chance to forget about Clara(36F) and reach new heights. My hand suddenly moved on its own, as if it was some sort of magic. It glided down to my pants, pulling down my zipper, my genitalia hardened.

Oddly, I got excited. The soul of my sexual instincts possessed my body as if it was some sort of vessel and, at the speed of sound pulled down my pants, underwear, and unbuttoned my shirt.

This was it. I was naked. There was no going back now. Like a bloodlusted demon, I made murderous eye contact with the pigeon(6M). My muscles bulked up and suddenly got covered in veins. Water started flowing down my mouth. I grinned like a fucking psycho.

The pigeon(6M) unfurled it’s wings and flew away to the sky. I felt like giving up. I got self aware. I tried to stop myself. But no. I couldn’t control my own body. The abnormal strength of my sexual desperation combined with my anger brewed a monstrosity that persisted, eager to finish what it started. My eyes turned red. My cock turned harder.

As the bird(6M) continued to fly away, I got on my fours and ran like a cheetah, chasing the bird, my dick bouncing around. The bird(6M) was 4 meters up in the air, 100km/h. My legs suddenly built abnormal veiny muscles and ran 75x faster than before.

Like a mountain lion, I jumped 5.5 meters up in the air, catching my victim. Vengeance. I (48M), grabbed it’s wings, unsurprisingly spotting tears on its eyes. And jumped down. The pigeon unable to move, was ready for me to do the dirty with. With no hesitation, I rotated all around the animal’s body to find the hole in which I penetrate with maximum potency.

I suddenly acquired new skills I never had learnt before. I couldn’t control myself. I couldn’t even recognise myself. Located the hole, I psychotically laughed, aiming my lusted sex weapon at the pigeon (6M)’s hole.

Penetration under the moonlight.

3.5 seconds.

I nutted. So fast. And so hard. It was only 3.5 seconds. The hole was so gorgeously amazing to penetrate, and wet. Even better than being with Clara in bed, although it being a pigeon. I couldn’t control myself. My dick felt like the eruption of a supervolcano, giving me flashbacks to science class. I tried to pull out, and my dick continued to spurt out semen. I couldn’t remember what happened after that.

I woke up. I noticed I had passed out. It was morning. With the pigeon next to passed out aswell. Checking again, nevermind. It probably passed away from semen overload. I was still bare naked, able to control my body again. My dick swollen. To my surprise, I got startled by the huge crowd surrounding me. I screamed, everyone staring at me naked on the floor, I got up and ran pushing people away. Embarrassed as fuck, I bumped into the police, and got arrested, public indecency.

To this day, I regret nothing. In fact, it was the best night of my life. So, madghosts. Am I the asshole?

#pigeon #shat #raped #AITA

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