I (22M, big dick, dropshipping got me an 8 figure salary, fucking hate cats) recently allowed my cousin Jennifer (30F, breeder, ultra religious, unmarried) to move in with me after she was temporarily laid off (Starbucks).
This morning after I rolled out of bed and kissed my gf and her sister (25F, twins, DDD tits that I paid for, I like the sister more), I asked my chef Lucas (idk M, hot, gay) to whip up some eggs for us (scrambled, shredded cheese on top) and we were called to breakfast when it was ready (7:30am EST). My cousin trudged down the stairs and slopped her child-bearing belly baking her future crotch goblin onto the counter (Calcutta marble) as she sat down (I think I heard my Bistro 31” Swivel Bar Stool crack, should I sue?)
I politely asked if she was hungry, to which she snorted, licked her chops, and practically came as she said yes. Lucas scooped a couple spoonfuls of egg onto her plate (Le Frenchies Dessert Plates, gift from daddy) and poured her a hot cup of coffee (Haviland Brandenburg Gold Tea Set from Neiman Marcus, also a gift from daddy). She shoveled the eggs into her cakehole and asked who made breakfast while she waddled over to the pan (nonstick) to get more. I replied “Lucas”, to which she immediately started SCREECHING like a fucking banshee about how she didn’t want a insert bad word for gay touching her food. I grabbed a cup of water (Brita filtered) and used it to douse the fiery demon spewing hatred in my kitchen and immediately kicked her out.
My phone (iPhone 12 Pro Max, got it early) has been blowing up all day. AITA? :/
Edit: wow this blew up, don’t upvote Jennifer might see it, also the baby is mine, incest karma please?
#AITA #kicking #fat #ugly #homophobic #pregnant #cousin #mansion #didnt #eggs #chef