I was recently looking through target.com trying to find some very swag christmas gifts for people, when I came across something truly unique: Minecraft underwear. I was filled with excitement. I was no longer concerned with gifts, this was something i needed for myself. It appears to be offered in a 5 pack and a 4 pack at target, with all being unique designs featuring things like swords, skeletons, and creepers. The title said “Boys” which probably should have stopped me from clicking and exploring further, but it didn’t. I prayed that maybe it would be offered in sizes for big boys, after all I am a small 15 year old twink, but to my horror the largest size was a 10. Seeing that number (as well as the 4,6, and 8) felt like being stabbed in the heart. As much as I wanted to try, I knew that it would never be able to fit me. I frantically googled “minecraft underwear mens” but to my horror there was none, only boys (and an etsy listing for a creeper jockstrap). I was heartbroken.
I have been playing minecraft for as long as i can remember. I wish I (or my parents) had known about this product back when it would actually be able to fit me. All I want is for everyone – boys, girls, men, women, nonbinary people, and anyone else who plays the game to be able to have epic swag underwear to enhance all of their fits, not just very small boys. It is a scientific fact that playing minecraft makes you 100x cooler, and having creepers on your underwear or other clothing will help you get all the b/tches. Seeing as humans are living beings who reproduce, I think that owning minecraft underwear should be a human right for everyone.