from r/facepalm

Sometimes it’s the leg that does the fucking. My current girlfriend (who I’m going to break up with very soon for reasons I won’t get into here, but I want to drag things along for at least a couple more weeks after my birthday at the end of the month) is almost constantly fucking herself with her leg. She has a very prominent sebaceous cyst up high on her inner thigh. It’s slightly mobile, too, so with the right amount of squirming, she can pop that baby right into the right spot. A little undulating, a little butt wiggling, a little seated grinding, and she’s off the races. It’s so annoying. I’ll be with her on a nice dinner date (no movie these days) and she’ll get that look on her face right in the middle of our conversation. Her eyes glazed over, wandering unfocused and unsynchronized in her sunken sockets. “Are you fucking that cyst again?” I asked and all she does is drool in a sort of bliss I’ll never experience and can never match. It’s so annoying. It’s not why I’m breaking up with her after my birthday, but it’s so annoying. In her sex sober moments, she has admitted to me that it’s not really her choice to fuck her leg cyst, that the cyst insists on fucking her. She’s told me she wants to stop, she wants to be present in the world, but as soon as she gets too far into this confession, there she goes again shifting her weight and squeezing her thighs just right. I can’t have a conversation with her! She’s probably right about the cyst though. I’ve watched it. Yes, I’ve seen it throb and wriggle on its own beneath the skin of her slick, shiny thighs trying to rouse her from her orgasm drunk sleep. Makes a guy wonder about his own cysts, ya know? Maybe I’m just lucky they’re located where they are, acting as a wrist pad and allowing me to type long hours for my job. Still, I’ll be breaking up with her in like two weeks.


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