**Hey, Giorno, it is me… Diavolo.** Heard you are doing well. Listen, buddy, while being in this infinite death loop, I’ve had a lot of time to reflect. I also… don’t understand where this is all taking place (?) Am I in an alternative universe? Am I actually on Earth? Because if you are receiving this letter, through my multiple deaths spanning over the course of years and multiple reoccurring landscapes I was able to hide this letter and write a bit more out each time before my death. Hopefully this mailbox will reach Italy, our Italy.
So, as I was saying I had a lot of time to reflect, **I am on death #9,573,126! Wooooow!** how time flies. I did not know there were so many different ways to experience death. Anyway, I think we have had enough time to cool off. I know that I was the angriest one, really I was angry at myself. I mean, why was I even so concerned with maintaining power and being boss? I never even enjoyed any of the perks. I just spent my time monologuing to literally no one else, and sometimes one other person. I beat up fortune tellers sometimes as a casual hobby, that is about it.
I was an awful employer, and even though Risotto Nero looks like a weird steampunk goth clown, men that dress like strippers shouldn’t throw stones in lace-net houses. Honestly, I feel bad forcing Doppio to always carry fishnets and makeup in his pants pockets and telling him it was a ‘secret mission.’ Well, your Gold Experience Requiem, between the falling off cliffs into burning hot shards of glass and having deer eat me alive, I get what I need to do. FYI, I mention the deer because the herbivore deaths where they eat me alive are far worse than shit like lions and tigers. They are designed to eat meat, it is a few moments of agony and screaming, but then it is over. It takes the deer like, fucking hours, to eat me alive. I mean, even the hermit crabs that GER poured all over me ate me quicker, it’s fucked up.
Deer aren’t designed to do that, it fucking sucks, can you maybe tell Gold Experience Requiem to limit it to carnivores? Or you???? ***I am not sure how your Deus Ex Machina bullshit works.*** So I know you are mad that I killed a couple of your friends. Listen, that is all business. You guys chase me! I kill you! Yada yada yada, that is how mafia works. So I know you have been doing well at my job, maybe hire me back? To be fair you killed that gay couple I employed. They were great for social capital, really made Passione look progressive of all mafias. Narrancia committed a hate crime that day, just an fyi. **Also, why the fuck did you care THIS MUCH. You knew them for like 6 days. 6 fucking days. And most of the time was spent fighting and having your bodies constantly mutilated, oh but don’t worry, Giorno can heal everyone. Wow isn’t that just sooooo convenient. And they complain about MY STAND.**
He can do a bunch of vague-ass shit that happens and then never comes back. Wow, what a unique and USEFUL stand. Seriously, what fucking bond did you guys form to not only dismantle my entire organization but also throw me into this Lovecraftian dimension breaking nightmare? Jesus Christ… I’m sorry, a lot of pent up emotions. I am not still seething with anger over the fact that I had the arrow in my hand and it fucking phased through it like a hologram like minutes before Bruno announced that bullshit he did. That was a suicide by the way, I didn’t do that, I mean, I was stressing him out, but we were co-workers, that happens. **We could have gone to HR. I mean, Passione Human Resources is just me punching people to death when they complain, but still….**
**Anyway, maybe talk this over with the capos???** Do you even still have those? I know, no drugs, I’ve been clean for years since I don’t get breaks between my infinite deaths. Maybe reconsider this, I will be the fucking janitor I don’t care, just please consider. We can be stronger together, with **my super fucking amazing based BTFO stand KING CRIMSON, SECOND TO NONE… and your Gold Experience Requiem which… is very good too.** Please don’t mention it to him. Her? I don’t know, all I know is it punishes me more when I speak. Are you telling it do this? Why is this plot device still in effect for so long?? Surely there must be an end to this…? Please bro. Think about it.
**Anyway,**
**Love,**
**Diavolo**
**P.S.**
Hey, so if you decide to keep me in here, can you diversify the deaths a little bit? The last.. like… 600 or so, have been the same. I keep spawning on this ship… that is also a stand??? It doesn’t seem really well thought out. And the captain is this Orangutan, no joke, very bizarre. And well, he is a rapist. Every time I end up back here death after death, and he just nonchalantly puts on a captain’s hat and him and his ship just really have at me. I mean, this ape is extremely creative, Giorno. He makes it last as long as possible, I’d say I am getting bored of being raped and beaten to death by this shipwright monkey, but he is really creative, I admit. I don’t even understand how this stand works, are non-stand users just watching me get raped by a monkey while floating over the ocean? I am so confused, this makes my INVINCIBLE KING CRIMSON seem simple…
**He shoved a rubik’s cube up my ass last time… and solved it while it was in there, that was great…, really made me reflect on my past decision making.** These infinite deaths are really productive and meaningful. I am reformed, please believe me, or at least get me away from this fucking sailor ape piece of shit. I can’t run, the ship catches me. He is everywhere, constant and everlasting. I will take SAW-esq torture or like shove nails in my eyes, just please let Gold Experience Requiem know the infinite deaths are stuck on rapist sailor ape with a stand. Him raping/killing me differently each time doesn’t count as a different type of death, that is not fair. I have rights you know, I think? I still don’t know where this is all taking place. Thank you for considering.
**P.P.S. I heard your theme got removed from youtube just after hitting 100 million… that’s so sad bro. Really… I’m so sorrrryyyy hahaha… oh GOD THE SAILOR APE HAS AN ANCHOR??!! WHAT IS HE GOING TO DO WITH THA-**