What I like about Grape Nuts is that there are no gimmicks. There’s no cartoon bird prancing about on the box cover, there’s no commercial with Barney and Fred getting in fist fights over a bowl of Grape Nuts, you get a box full of cereal and that’s it. It’s not even a big box filled with air and prizes, it’s just a pound of wheat and barley with a picture on the front.
What I have here is living proof that Grape Nuts is truly life changing. A four pound box of Grape Nuts, in all it’s glory. Any other box of cereal this size would weigh half as much, which makes them half as good. There’s something to be said about a cereal with the same density as sand.
Just holding the box gives you a sense of power like holding a baseball bat or a meat cleaver. There is some serious loft to this cereal. I could kill a man if I had to with this and I’m not even joking.
Another thing I like about Grape Nuts is that it sinks right to the bottom of the bowl. There’s nothing glamorous about it, no lame snaps or crackles, no different colors, no marshmallows, just a pile of food sitting at the bottom of a bowl of milk.
Eating the food is an adventure within itself. Bite too soft and you aren’t gonna break a one. Bite too hard and you might chip a tooth. It really is a wild man’s cereal.
I’m not even going to talk about the taste of Grape Nuts, because there isn’t any. If there wasn’t milk you would swear that you were eating gravel, the only different being that gravel might soften up a bit.
The very best part of Grape Nuts is after the whole eating experience. If you’ve ever accidentally swallowed a rock you know what it’s like to eat a bowl of Grape Nuts. The feeling of it sitting in the bottom of your stomach is a reminder for the rest of the day that you actually ate the stuff, rewarding you long long after you take the last bite.