We are coming up to the 4 year mark of our relationship, I’ve been married for under a year to what I though was the perfect man. My husband has always catered to me; waited on me hand and foot; and vise versa but this weird issue keeps popping up in our relationship every year or so and I’ve openly screamed/begged/cried for him to stop doing it.
Basically, He goes on telegram or kik or WoW(the MMO), controlling a character, and making contact with other characters, controlled by other human beings. A character will submit an ad in one of the chatrooms looking for a roleplay, and a character will PM that character if he or she is interested. Then, both characters will write in real time a story of them having sex with eachother. He has long term erotic role playing friends that he’s kept in touch with; he says he’s never met/seen/ask about them in real life.
He says he doesn’t consider it cheating even though I openly stated I don’t consent to him doing this.
The first time I caught him he just promised not to do it again, I didn’t really want to linger on the issue after our initial argument because I had little understanding of that he was doing but enough to know I wasn’t ok with it. I wanted it to be a small hiccup, something forgettable.
The second major incident was right around after we got married. I was in the afterglow of one of the happiest days of my life and our relationship felt like we’d never been closer; one major detail I wanted to include was we originally got married because of military benefits but due to issues we both went in different lines of work that worked out fine for the both of us. One day I was just using his phone to call mine so I could find it and I noticed multiple notifications from a app called telegram; my husband is extremely introverted and moved from his original state to mine so I knew for a fact that this wasn’t just random friends texting him, I open the app and see that he’s been erotic role playing with people on and off sense he originally told me he wouldn’t. He never stopped.
I was absolutely destroyed, I was not able to function properly at first. I couldn’t work for a week (I’m a financial consultant) because my mind space was completely consumed with countless emotions. Anger being the main one.
After being confronted about it he said he had a porn addiction and stated he had a problem; he was aware that it was wrong and spent countless hours to me telling me what I can trust him and to give him another chance.
I want to state that I completely adore my husband, I’ve always have had a extremely large social circle and I’ve never been connected to a person like I have my husband, the love that I have for him feels like something I’ll never be able to forget or compare to anyone. So being the idiot I am I gave him another chance.
I caught him again, this time he was actively deleting the account after using it; to try and hide it from me. Still found it though.
We’ve been fighting all week, I moved all my stuff back to my moms already and I’m currently staying there
He gave a half heart apology and word for word said “I’m just so numb to all of this at this point” I was completely devastated at his lack of emotional empathy. He stated that he’s always been loyal in the “real” world, which I can verify due to being able to track him and me being a WFH position. And that I’m over reacting to him doing this.
Is there any way I can make this work? I want to salvage our marriage
Yes I know I’ve been lied to in the face multiple times but am I idiotic to want to forgive him?
Has anyone else ever been in a situation like this?
Should I leave and just try to move on?
Sorry for any typos; literally shaking as I’m typing this
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