I hate this. Garfield has had a net negative impact on my life, particularly my interactions with women, as well.

I hate this. Garfield has had a net negative impact on my life, particularly my interactions with women, as well.

My name is Jim Davis, and although I look like I’m tight 26 years old, I’m actually 32, but still much younger than the Garfield Jim Davis, and yet, people see my name and they ask me to draw Garfield for them. They tell me they love Garfield, they love cats and comics, and that Garfield is a comic centered around a cat and that means they love it, and since I’m Jim Davis, that I should draw them a Garfield on a napkin or on the back of their hand or any flat stretch of skin they feel comfortable exposing at the hotel bar.

I try to tell them that I’m not Jim Davis, not that Jim Davis, and that my healthy diet supplemented with plenty of exercise makes me look like a nubile 26 year old even though I’m in my early 30’s and that the other Jim Davis, the Garfield Jim Davis, must be like 70 years old or something, and, lady, if you’re such a huge Garfield fan like you claim, then how can you possibly think that I’m the Jim Davis you think I am? Unless that’s just what you need in your life.

I get it.

You see “Jim Davis” and your mind is flooded with all the great times you had reading comics only three panels at a time, how no matter how terrible your day was going, there was always another Garfield comic strip waiting there for you. When you were at your loneliest and starting to doubt whether you really were a strong independent woman who don’t need no man, a Garfield comic was there by your side to stir your loins and get you into tomorrow.Yeah, and then you see me, a guy who lives a healthy lifestyle that affords him the smooth, supple body of a 26 year old even though his true age is much closer to Jon Arbuckle’s, and see his, my, name is Jim Davis, and suddenly the flood gates open. The waters rush to the sea. You’re flustered and moist in all the ways you used to feel.

You know deep down that I’m not the Jim Davis you’re looking for, that he must be like 70 years old, but I’m the Jim Davis you need, the Jim Davis from your fantasies. You imagine that I probably shave my pubes to make my dong look gigantic, and the thought of Jim Davis writing and drawing Garfield comic after Garfield comic with a heavy hanging ham candle softly pulsing with warmth and confidence launches you into a sort of sexual stupor.

I get it.

I’ll be your Jim Davis tonight. If that’s what you need, then I’m here. I don’t like it, and I don’t like you, but it comes with the name. I feel like I have a duty. I feel like I need to honor the name, that I need to smudge the fudge of these love drunk Garfield fans. I have the stamina and erectile fortitude of a man 26 years old. I’m up to the task. I’m ready to make Jim Davis proud.

#hate #Garfield #net #negative #impact #life #interactions #women

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