I have discovered the superior locomotion technique

After discovering that I could skip at a speed that’s close to the average person’s running speed with less energy than it takes to jog I’ve been going around at night on quiet footpaths doing it and I don’t stop if there’s someone there. The way small women react to an obese 6 foot man skipping towards them at high speed is hilarious, they often stop like a deer in headlights and then do all sorts of things in a panic when I get closer. It’d probably be less jarring if I appeared to be happy or relaxed while doing it but my body is quite rigid and stiff, while my facial expression is usually tense because I’m focused on maintaining a good rhythm to ensure that no energy is wasted and that I’m not at risk of falling over or twisting my ankle. Men appear to be more level-headed and simply step aside while watching me effortlessly descend down the road at a speed comparable to a bicycle, I like to think that they’re awed by my method of travel, its efficiency on the same level as modern technology, sadly they cannot bravely skip forwards like I do and thus are relegated to watching on as I gracefully pass through the streets with not a care in the world. Sadly there are miscreants, usually larger women that think they can and should defend themselves against me, fortunately the sheer momentum and weight behind me means that any woman trying to say or do something to me will be bowled over while I pass ahead unphased and unfoided; and of course their social media kvetching over the skipping man will achieve nothing, the authorities can do nothing, only the immovable force can stop the unstoppable object (me).

My mother once asked me about transgenders and unprompted I told her that I identify as a train. She didn’t get it but I chuckled to myself because it’s true, getting in my way would be suicide akin to standing before a train, not to mention trains are cool unlike women, helicopters, and gay people.

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