I want to scream.

Every single day, I want to scream. I can’t help but feel this way. A million little parameters and variables perfectly snchronized to create a me who want to scream. I can’t sleep at night because of how much I want to scream. Thoughts flow through my head like rivers, coalescing into pools of extraneous thought. My mornings precipitate doubt about the future, my lunch crystallizes anxieties of the present, and my night constricts me with regrets. I can’t help but be this way. A million little metronomes synchronize into loud claps of thunder, beating my head like drums.

Oftentimes, I find myself unable to expunge ‘good’ ideas from my head. I’ll think of an interesting solution to a problem, and then I’ll be unable to sleep until I can fully explore that problem. Worse still, being tired clouds your judgement on what a good idea is, so I will ocasionally wake up two hours late, only to find an ugly drawing of a bad idea as a permission slip.

Furthermore, a lot of these ideas are simply impossible to act on. This typically happens when I am watching a show that has an awful story that could be corrected so simply. Even worse are the times when I come up with a new story that would be perfect for an existing series.

The other day, I was thinking about portal 2. The portal games are excellent puzzlers, with great stories, and I just want another one. So I looked at previous story iterations from the game, and found out about one where Cave Johnson had successfully transported his consciousness into a computer, but was simply abandoned once integrated into that computer. I then remembered the various warnings around the old aperture about time travel paradoxes and such, and came up with a fairly unique story that I was proud of.

It would start in the 50’s, when aperture science is at the top of their game technologically. The player would enter into aperture science, and opt in to the time travel test track. At this point, AS would be investing significant amounts of money into this, (for reasons I’ll explain later) and have sidetracked the portal gun technology. The time travel mechanics are simple, but allow for a large margin of exploration. You have the ability to sort of ‘record’ your actions and replay multiple iterations at the same time, similar to the time travel mod for portal 2, but in this version you can have direct interactions between instances. This works by spawning an NPC and replaying the identical input combinations that the player did. This would allow a player to walk into closed doors, record that action, and then replay it while the present player opens that door, allowing the past self to walk through. Anyway, once you reach the end of the testing track, you would be able to opt in to an additional test of F-STOP technology. This test would end with malfunction, as the player is catapulted into the future. Once the player arrives, the speakers crackle, and Cave Johnson can be heard. It’s revealed that he used the F-STOP technology to stop time for himself, and thereby be conveyed into the future where there is hopefully a cure for moon-rock-itis. Cave instructs the player to try to find him, because he is locked in a chamber that can only be opened from the outside.

As time goes on, Cave discovers that there aren’t any humans running AS anymore, and it’s all been replaced by a giant robot. Furious, Cave orders the player to try and fight the AI that overtook his job, and begins to finally read a manual on how to use the computers in his little chamber. Cave is able to direct the player further and further upwards, just as the player discovers a portal gun, and begins to use that to navigate the ‘impossible’ chambers. Eventually, The player is able to find GlaDOS, who was completely distracted by the co-op campaign from portal 2. Underestimating the player, GlaDOS tries to smash them, only to discover the player can time travel. Realizing that the player is likely to be a threat

unless the player is killed, and also realizing that Cave is helping them, GlaDOS decides to fill Cave’s chamber with goo, and start an epic boss battle in the meantime. After GlaDOS lures the player into a trap, she is able to take the player’s time travel device, quickly jury rig it into an F-STOP device, and freeze the player. While GlaDOS is gloating to the player, Cave Johnson manages to break in, holding a REAL ACTUAL GUN in a portal game. Johnson shoots GlaDOS, but quickly realizes that GlaDOS is made out of metal. GlaDOS, rightfully irritated, decides to dump Cave into a testing track, just with his gun, and realizes that there are records of the player returning to the past. Being aware of the grandfather paradox, GlaDOS knows she has to return the player to the past, and she does.


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