I was a massive overgiver my entire life.
That changed very quickly in the past 2 years through a series of extremely uncomfortable, unfortunate events entirely fuelled and attracted by the ‘not enough’ monster that had lived inside my head my entire life.
The habits of fawning were so ingrained in me, I was the perfect embodiment of the archetype of indentured servant, the Cinderella. Man did I run THAT one into the ground. And of course, embodying that archetype brought me two things. Careless masters and Knights in not so shining armour. Sound familiar?
So what broke it? Or perhaps more to the point, what did I do after it finally broke me?
Choosing me. Over and over and over and over. Even when everything in my patterning was screaming ‘Noooo! Don’t do that, you’ll disappoint someone!!!! You’ll be punished or WORSE, abandoned!’
Except. I was forgetting one thing…
I was abandoning myself.
So…here’s what I want you to do if you’re finding yourself in the same shitty relationship patterns, the same jobs where you’re giving everything for next to nothing in return, when you say yes to all the things you want to say no to…
I want you to run that and every decision you make for a month through the filter of ‘Is this loving towards myself? Is this the choice or the level of care I would make for someone I loved or the choice or level of care I would want for them?’ And when I say every decision, I mean EVERY decision. What to eat, what time to go to bed, what do I want to spend my free time on, do I really need to spend that money, is this connection healthy for me, should I do the washing up now or later…EVERYTHING.
And it’s gonna be hard. And you’ll forget. And there are gonna be times where your voice shakes when you say no or put up a boundary. Just do it. And do it again. You are teaching that small, young part of you that you matter. Every single loving choice that you make, that part of you will believe you more. They’ll feel safer, coz now you, a big grown up, is at the wheel and they’re not driving with stilts on coz they can’t reach the pedals and can barely see over the steering wheel their little hands can barely hold.
Choose you. Over and over again. A million times a day. The smallest decisions. Choose you.
Then guess what happens? Your anxiety drops. You stop attracting the counterpart archetype for you to learn to quit embodying yours. Your intuition gets heightened because the fastest way to shut down your intuition is to not trust yourself. And when you don’t trust yourself, you don’t trust life/God/all that is/whatever you wanna call it, doesn’t matter, it’s the same thing…to catch you. Because guess what? You ARE life. You are all that is. You ARE God. You’re God in motion, in matter, in carbon manifestation. SO CATCH YOURSELF.
So…trust me on this one. Please. Codependents, Self-abandoners, fawners, you know who you are…DO IT…run everything through that filter for a month…dare you. I’ll be over here, cheering you on.
#massive #overgiver #entire #life