At my zoo, we circumcise all our gorillas because the eldest gorilla is Jewish and demands it. We can’t argue with faith, and since we also shave our gorillas, we find the circumcised gorilla penises to be much more visually appealing, and I know our guests enjoy that touch as well because I’ve had many, many people come up to me and tell me how much they admire the penises on our shaved, Jewish gorillas, and that’s when I take the opportunity to try to convert them to Judaism on the elder gorilla’s behalf. I just want to make papa proud. I’d say at least a dozen or so people convert every summer, especially after the body show that the gorillas put on every 4th of July. It’s part of why we shave them. We pump our gorillas up with the best bodybuilding supplements, legal and otherwise, so that they become absolutely jacked. They spend most of their time lifting weights and wrestling each other for sport and male bonding. The elder gorilla oversees the matches and presents a banana to the winner. That’s what makes the body shows so popular. The elder gorilla is always very excited to show of the strength of faith instilled in his troop of Jewish, shaved, jacked gorillas. It’s a very compelling argument, especially when you see how playfully those circumcised gorilla penises dangle in the morning summer sunlight, still with beads of dew clinging to that charcoal black gorilla dick skin. It’s amazing what gorillas can do when they follow God’s will and keep their hearts full of God’s love.