Killed My GF’s Goldfish Lastnight

I’ve been resentful toward my girlfriend for telling me that I cannot get a dog for BS reasons… She told me that “We don’t have time to tend to a dog’s needs” and that “dandruff would be bad for her daughter’s allergies.” She has this Gold fish that she and her 6-year-old daughter bond between when her daughter stays with us (we live together), and last night, I did something I regret…
She and I were having some homemade drinks we call “rein-deerpunch,” as we do on occasion, and we got into a fight as soon as we got on the subject of me getting a dog. Her bullshit reasons were making me physically sick, and madness was festering inside of me like twisted aluminum. I tried to tell her to stop, but she’d pushed me too far. “You can’t even feed my fish!” she yelled. That was the line, and she’d crossed over. I was sick from all of the rein-deer punch and her yelling. “I’ll give your fish something to eat, you little Mexican slut!” (she’s Hispanic) I ran over to the goldfish bowl and PUKED MY GUTS OUT, straight into the bowl. The entire bowl was filled with vomit; my girlfriend shrieked like a helpless child. “ROSIE!” she yelled. (the fishes stupid name) She tried to save the fish, but the smell of regurgitated reindeer punch was too much for her senses. She started gagging and backing towards the front door. I lost consciousness and blacked out at that point and passed out on the floor next to the fish.
When I awoke, the fish was dead. Its eyes were huge and bulging from the overly acidic alkaline content in my puke. The whole scene was rotten and dissociating. My mind may never heal from this traumatic memory. And the cream on the cake is that my girlfriend had left; she took all of her things and may never return. I’ve done stuff like this before, so it’s not my first showdown with an above-average amount of weirdness. But any acknowledgment or understanding of my situation would help. Am I a monster for doing this? I hope she comes back. Thanks.


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