Libertarians paradise

I was shooting heroin and reading “The Fountainhead” in the front seat of my privately owned police cruiser when a call came in. I put a quarter in the radio to activate it. It was the chief.

“Bad news, detective. We got a situation.”

“What? Is the mayor trying to ban trans fats again?”

“Worse. Somebody just stole four hundred and forty-seven million dollars’ worth of bitcoins.”

The heroin needle practically fell out of my arm. “What kind of monster would do something like that? Bitcoins are the ultimate currency: virtual, anonymous, stateless. They represent true economic freedom, not subject to arbitrary manipulation by any government. Do we have any leads?”

“Not yet. But mark my words: we’re going to figure out who did this and we’re going to take them down … provided someone pays us a fair market rate to do so.”

“Easy, chief,” I said. “Any rate the market offers is, by definition, fair.”

He laughed. “That’s why you’re the best I got, Lisowski. Now you get out there and find those bitcoins.”

“Don’t worry,” I said. “I’m on it.”

I put a quarter in the siren. Ten minutes later, I was on the scene. It was a normal office building, strangled on all sides by public sidewalks. I hopped over them and went inside.

“Home Depot™ Presents the Police!®” I said, flashing my badge and my gun and a small picture of Ron Paul. “Nobody move unless you want to!” They didn’t.

“Now, which one of you punks is going to pay me to investigate this crime?” No one spoke up.

“Come on,” I said. “Don’t you all understand that the protection of private property is the foundation of all personal liberty?”

It didn’t seem like they did.

“Seriously, guys. Without a strong economic motivator, I’m just going to stand here and not solve this case. Cash is fine, but I prefer being paid in gold bullion or autographed Penn Jillette posters.”

Nothing. These people were stonewalling me. It almost seemed like they didn’t care that a fortune in computer money invented to buy drugs was missing.

I figured I could wait them out. I lit several cigarettes indoors. A pregnant lady coughed, and I told her that secondhand smoke is a myth. Just then, a man in glasses made a break for it.

“Subway™ Eat Fresh and Freeze, Scumbag!®” I yelled.

Too late. He was already out the front door. I went after him.

“Stop right there!” I yelled as I ran. He was faster than me because I always try to avoid stepping on public sidewalks. Our country needs a private-sidewalk voucher system, but, thanks to the incestuous interplay between our corrupt federal government and the public-sidewalk lobby, it will never happen.

I was losing him. “Listen, I’ll pay you to stop!” I yelled. “What would you consider an appropriate price point for stopping? I’ll offer you a thirteenth of an ounce of gold and a gently worn ‘Bob Barr ‘08’ extra-large long-sleeved men’s T-shirt!”

He turned. In his hand was a revolver that the Constitution said he had every right to own. He fired at me and missed. I pulled my own gun, put a quarter in it, and fired back. The bullet lodged in a U.S.P.S. mailbox less than a foot from his head. I shot the mailbox again, on purpose.

“All right, all right!” the man yelled, throwing down his weapon. “I give up, cop! I confess: I took the bitcoins.”

“Why’d you do it?” I asked, as I slapped a pair of Oikos™ Greek Yogurt Presents Handcuffs® on the guy.

“Because I was afraid.”

“Afraid?”

“Afraid of an economic future free from the pernicious meddling of central bankers,” he said. “I’m a central banker.”

I wanted to coldcock the guy. Years ago, a central banker killed my partner. Instead, I shook my head.

“Let this be a message to all your central-banker friends out on the street,” I said. “No matter how many bitcoins you steal, you’ll never take away the dream of an open society based on the principles of personal and economic freedom.”

He nodded, because he knew I was right. Then he swiped his credit card to pay me for arresting him.

#Libertarians #paradise

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  1. I was shooting heroin and reading “The Fountainhead” in the front seat of my privately owned police cruiser when a call came in. I put a quarter in the radio to activate it. It was the chief.

    “Bad news, detective. We got a situation.”

    “What? Is the mayor trying to ban trans fats again?”

    “Worse. Somebody just stole four hundred and forty-seven million dollars’ worth of bitcoins.”

    The heroin needle practically fell out of my arm. “What kind of monster would do something like that? Bitcoins are the ultimate currency: virtual, anonymous, stateless. They represent true economic freedom, not subject to arbitrary manipulation by any government. Do we have any leads?”

    “Not yet. But mark my words: we’re going to figure out who did this and we’re going to take them down … provided someone pays us a fair market rate to do so.”

    “Easy, chief,” I said. “Any rate the market offers is, by definition, fair.”

    He laughed. “That’s why you’re the best I got, Lisowski. Now you get out there and find those bitcoins.”

    “Don’t worry,” I said. “I’m on it.”

    I put a quarter in the siren. Ten minutes later, I was on the scene. It was a normal office building, strangled on all sides by public sidewalks. I hopped over them and went inside.

    “Home Depot™ Presents the Police!®” I said, flashing my badge and my gun and a small picture of Ron Paul. “Nobody move unless you want to!” They didn’t.

    “Now, which one of you punks is going to pay me to investigate this crime?” No one spoke up.

    “Come on,” I said. “Don’t you all understand that the protection of private property is the foundation of all personal liberty?”

    It didn’t seem like they did.

    “Seriously, guys. Without a strong economic motivator, I’m just going to stand here and not solve this case. Cash is fine, but I prefer being paid in gold bullion or autographed Penn Jillette posters.”

    Nothing. These people were stonewalling me. It almost seemed like they didn’t care that a fortune in computer money invented to buy drugs was missing.

    I figured I could wait them out. I lit several cigarettes indoors. A pregnant lady coughed, and I told her that secondhand smoke is a myth. Just then, a man in glasses made a break for it.

    “Subway™ Eat Fresh and Freeze, Scumbag!®” I yelled.

    Too late. He was already out the front door. I went after him.

    “Stop right there!” I yelled as I ran. He was faster than me because I always try to avoid stepping on public sidewalks. Our country needs a private-sidewalk voucher system, but, thanks to the incestuous interplay between our corrupt federal government and the public-sidewalk lobby, it will never happen.

    I was losing him. “Listen, I’ll pay you to stop!” I yelled. “What would you consider an appropriate price point for stopping? I’ll offer you a thirteenth of an ounce of gold and a gently worn ‘Bob Barr ‘08’ extra-large long-sleeved men’s T-shirt!”

    He turned. In his hand was a revolver that the Constitution said he had every right to own. He fired at me and missed. I pulled my own gun, put a quarter in it, and fired back. The bullet lodged in a U.S.P.S. mailbox less than a foot from his head. I shot the mailbox again, on purpose.

    “All right, all right!” the man yelled, throwing down his weapon. “I give up, cop! I confess: I took the bitcoins.”

    “Why’d you do it?” I asked, as I slapped a pair of Oikos™ Greek Yogurt Presents Handcuffs® on the guy.

    “Because I was afraid.”

    “Afraid?”

    “Afraid of an economic future free from the pernicious meddling of central bankers,” he said. “I’m a central banker.”

    I wanted to coldcock the guy. Years ago, a central banker killed my partner. Instead, I shook my head.

    “Let this be a message to all your central-banker friends out on the street,” I said. “No matter how many bitcoins you steal, you’ll never take away the dream of an open society based on the principles of personal and economic freedom.”

    He nodded, because he knew I was right. Then he swiped his credit card to pay me for arresting him.

  2. when the call came, I was reading a fontenhead by shooting a photo on the front site of the private police cruiser. add a quarter of radio and edit it. it was great.

    “now nevus, thanks.” I understand the case. .

    what is it? when infection is repeated? .

    driving at $4 billion of bitkoin worth and removing $4 billion.

    indeed the needle fell from my hand. “I want to do such a monster? “bitcoin is the last currency: virtual, unknown, stateless. reflects real economic freedom, it is not subject to any operation by any government. Is there a lead? .

    just mark my words: we are going to find out what we did and they took down. .

    “easy, chef” determine the rate of any market offer, there is fair.

    I am laughing. “I am the best cause I got, lisfski. now you will find people present there. .

    “don’t worry you.” .

    keep a quarter of a silence. I was in the sight after 10 minutes. is a simple office building that has attended all aspects of the public building. jump up.

    town depot Police presented! I said I flashed my badges and a small picture of my gun and lombool. there is no run.

    “now, phnom penh will go to pay me to check the offence.

    top do you understand that private property protection is the basis of all personal freedoms? .

    I didn’t see.

    “in fact, everyone” I’m going to head here and this case will not be solved until the famous economic is fine silver, but gold color gold gold color gold gold gold color gold gold color gold gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold color gold

    no, I was in sihi. I noticed almost that I did not care about a lack of money invention to buy drugs.

    I’m waiting. add some cigarettes to the room. A woman is pregnant and I said that her second smoke is the myth. then, a man glasses took a break for him.

    “keep the best fresh and frozen, sakumbag!” ® ®

    the second half. had already been on the front door. should not go.

    I shouted with the iron. I am very fast than I am always trying to avoid public walks. it does not happen to thanks to a very strict conversation between our federal government damaged and lobbying public road, although our country prefers a system of vouchers in a private way.

    I lost to him. “I am very happy with you!” “what is the right price point to start? I t give a third of the gold slices “bob bali ’08” worn on gold and sandals!

    He changed. his hands were rebels said konst taion that they were all their rights. I felt fire and remember. I pulled my gun, put a quarter of it and remove it. The post box us P.S position below its head. then put the mailbox and shoot it according to the purpose.

    “all right, all right!” to shouts man and throws his arms. I took bitcoin.

    “what do you do? I asked the intaker of oikostam hand cuffs ® pairs.

    .

    the totality.

    He said, “From detailed confusion in the future of the central bank economy”. this is a central bank.

    I want to cool a man. earlier, the central banker killed the partner. Instead I shake my head.

    “This should be a message for all central bank friends running around the city. “if you are not stealing, you will not dream an open society based on the principle of personal freedom and economic freedom. .

    He wanted to know it was right. then swipe your credit card to pay me to catch it.

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