locked and loaded

This is why I always keep a fat shit locked and loaded when I’m in public.

Some snarky bitch spits on me? I rip my parachute pants off, assuming a slightly hunched over position with my left hand directly below my now fully turtling anus. Initiate expulsion of the most rancid bean burrito fueled monster shit you can think of, once the massive log has fully evacuated (sometimes I need to enlist the right hand for support if it’s too soft).

I propel it like a shit spear directly at her still open whiny stupid mouth (I’ve trained to be able to complete this series of actions, from pants rip to shit launch, in under two tenths of a second).

Once she begins to choke on my still hot fresh dank feces, I wipe my hands on the side of her car or whatever else is conveniently within reach.

Then grab my smartphone to begin recording it so I can later sell it on scat porn websites, since this is public property(the middle of a road) I do not need her permission to do so.

So not only do I get to throw shit in this crazy stupid bitches mouth, but I also use the proceeds of the scat porn video to pay for my legal defense after she inevitably contracts a series of serious and potentially terminal diseases from my putrid stool.

#locked #loaded