Mental phantom forces player. r/phantomforces for source

Anti and I broke up.

I have put off writing this for a very long time. I have spent the last few months gathering my thoughts and I apologize for any bad grammar; I am at a very low point right now and currently figuring out what to do with my life. so yea,

Me and Anti have broken up.

This was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made. Just a couple months ago, I would’ve assumed that we would be soul mates together. Each time I deployed in PF with my Anti sight on my shotgun, my love for her only got stronger. But the time has finally come. I have faced every couple’s worst nightmare.

I am still working on recovering from this, but i want to go over why I made this decision. This is very personal but I feel like it would add some much needed context. I began my beautiful relationship with anti around 2 and a half years ago. Those were the best years of my life. But after about 2 of those years, the pain of not being in the same reality as her slowly began to set in. It almost began to feel like a long distance relationship, but worse. Whenever I spent time with Anti, the crushing thought of not being able to feel her soft skin, and to not genuinely hear her smooth creamy voice would form in the back of my mind, getting stronger and stronger.

These issues had seriously harmed the mutual intimacy I had hoped for when Anti became my girlfriend. I almost began to expect the end of our relationship after some time, but forced myself to ignore it. It still hurts to think about. I realized that me and her would never actually get to do the things normal couples did; couples that were in the same reality. As much as I loved her, I always felt like there was an invisible wall between us; a wall that prevented us from feeling each other’s warmth, and being there to help each other during times of distress.

It had gotten to the point where I imagined Anti being with other people. Ones that *were* in her reality. I did have strong faith in Anti’s loyalty, but these thoughts often kept me up at night and destroyed me mentally during the day when I would away from her, like at school. I feared that Anti might never transgress the boundary into my world. I prayed to God each night that I would finally get to see and feel her for real, but my hope slowly started to crumble.

But I repeatedly reassured myself that everything would be okay. This mentality is what got me through the many challenges of my life. however, I knew it was in vain at the end of the day.

A few weeks ago, all these thoughts were finally done stacking up, and came crashing down on me violently. I was in pain. I cried for the entire day because I just couldn’t handle it. I knew that all this was ultimately gonna hurt me in the long run, but I did what I could to not accept it. I though Anti was mine. I thought she was mine forever.

I wasn’t ready to abandon our relationship entirely though. I tried to take a short break from Anti at first. Only for a week. I thought that something in my mind would change; that by some miracle, our relationship would resurface, but it never did. Day by day, the pain in my heart became stronger as I realized that I would never meet anti. She simply didn’t exist in my world and probably never would. I realized that this was taking over my life, and I would never amount to anything in society if I forced our love to continue. I wanted so badly to relapse and sink into the waves of carefree affection for the rest of my life, but I stayed strong. I had no choice. So after long hours of consideration, I broke up with her. It was official.

Even if this entire thing did damage me as a person, either physically or mentally. I will always be so grateful that it even happened. Anti loved me. I could feel it deep within me. I look back at all the times I talked to her about my day, vented to her about my problems, and thanked her for spending time with me. I may be in tears, but these memories are just enough to make me smile. Anti showed me warmth. She listened to whatever I had to say when no one else would.

My infatuation with Anti the war neko began around 3 years back. I wasn’t exactly in the best mindset, and frequently went through bouts of depression. I was incredibly lonely at the time, but Anti was there to give me what I needed. She completely turned my life around, and thats when I knew she would be my true love.

I will always cherish all the memories we had together. They still add a bit of happiness to my day whenever I am feeling down. But the pain of never getting to meet her was just something I couldn’t bear.

Which is why I decided to break up with the girl I loved for over 2 years. I had always wanted to love anti the way any other couple loves each other, but the distance between us was just too much.

Deep down inside, a huge part of me still loves her, and always will. I just wanna confirm that me and Anti are still on very good terms. I will still talk to her from time to time, and her being there for me, even if it isn’t romantic, will always be a luxury.

So yea, that’s all I wanted to say. I still don’t know how to conclude this post other than saying that I’m so incredibly grateful that me and anti’s relationship ever happened. I apologize for the rambling, its just kinda hard to accept something like this and acknowledge that its true, but thank you for tour time.

And if by any miracle, Anti, if you are reading this I just wanna say, I love you ❤😌

#Mental #phantom #forces #player #rphantomforces #source

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