What can I say. I laughed. I cried. I smiled. I got scared. I shit my pants. Actually everyone shit their pants. Morbius did not just eclipse Jack and Jill as the greatest film ever released by Sony Pictures, nor did it just obliterate Battlefield Earth as the medium’s greatest achievement. It transcends film, it transcends literature, it transcends art, it transcends human comprehension. I only gave it a 5/5 because I couldn’t give it an ∞/5 because this website sucks dick and is stupid. Morbius invented humanity. The instant the Marvel logo shows up on the screen you actually physically leave your seat because you are gravitating. And then Jared Little, oh my god. Sweet sweet Jared Little. I felt so bad for him. He’d spent so many years being too little. He was too little to fit on the screen in Suicide Squad. But the instant he shows up on the screen I came and pissed and shit my pants. The instant he appeared and looked at the screen and said “I’m acting” everyone said in unison “WOW, he is LITERALLY me!” Jared Little brings so much to this movie that he becomes Jared Biggle by the end. In fact after walking out of the theater I joined his cult and am going to every 30 Seconds to Mars concert and am taking a vacation on the island where he has a cult and he walks around dressed up like Jesus because Jared Little is Jesus. Morbius might in fact be the Second Coming of Christ. I don’t think anyone is prepared for this movie. It is not going to be April. It is now Morbiapril.