Navy Seal copypasta: pretentious Tolkien fan edition

What the fuck did you just fucking say to me, you little shit? I’ll have you know I am the top Tolkien scholar on the Internet, and I’ve won numerous Balrog-related disputes, and I have over 300 confirmed re-reads of The Silmarillion. I am trained in Bombadilian slam poetry and I’m the top Sindarin linguist on madghosts. You are nothing to me but just another seventh age pleb. I will smite you with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on Middle Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying you read and enjoyed Tolkien’s work to me over the Internet? Think again, dotard. As we speak, I’m gathering an alliance of wroth and ruin to avenge this misdeed so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can ace trivia anywhere, anytime, and I can list each character’s seven hundred names, and that’s just off the top of my head. Not only am I extensively trained in literary analysis, but I have memorized the entire works of Tolkien and I will use it to its full extent to sunder your miserable ass from the face of Arda like Numenor and Beleriand, you fell shit. If only you could have known what unholy doom your little clever comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your forked fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re going straight to the fucking void, kiddo.

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