Now, this is a story all about how my life got flipped-turned upside down…

Mmh, haaaaah. “Why didn’t you apologise to Chris in your acceptance speech?” Um, I was fogged out by that point, it’s all fuzzy, I’ve reached out to Chris, um, and the message that came back is that he’s not ready to tak, and that when he is, he’ll reach out, so I will say to you, Chris, I apologize.. to… you. My behaviour was unacceptable, and I’m here whenever you’re ready to talk. Um, I want to apologise to Chris’ mother. I saw on an interview that Chris’ mother did, and, you know it was just one of the things at that moment that I just didn’t realize, you know, I wasn’t thinking but how many people got hurt in that moment, so I want to apologize to Chris’ mother, I want to apologise to Chris’ family specifically Tony Rock, you know, we had a great relationship, you know, Tony Rock was my man, and um, this is, this is probably irreperable. Um I spent the last three months replaying, and understanding the nuances and the complexities of what happened in in that moment, umm and I’m not going to try to unpack all that right now, but I can say to all of you, there is no part of me that thinks that was the right way to behave in that moment there is no part of me that thinks that’s the optimal way to handle a feeling of disrespect, or, or or insults. “After Jada rolled her eyes did she tell you to do something” No. Um, it’s like, you know I made it sure on my own, from my own experiences, from my history with Chris, Jada had nothing to do with it. I’m sorry babe, um, I’m gonna say sorry to my kids, and um, my family, for the heat that I brought on all of us, uahhhm to all of my fellow nominees, you know this is a community, it’s like I won, because you you voted for me, and it really breaks my heart to have stolen and tarnished your moment, ummmm.. I can still see Questlove’s eyes, you know, it happened on Questlove’s award, and.. you know it’s like I’m im sorry isn’t really sufficient “What would you say to the people who looked up to you before the slap, or people who expressed that you let them down?” Ummmm. So there’s two things, one, ummm dissappointing people is my central trauma, umm, I HATE when I let people down, so it it hurts. Uhhhhh it hurts me psychologically and emotionally to know I didn’t live up to uhh people’s image and impression of me, aand the work I’m trying to do is, I am deeply remoseful, and I’m trying to be remorseful without being ashamed of myself. Right? I’m human, and I made a mistake and I’m trying not to think of myself as a piece of shit. Umm so I would say to those people I know it was confusing, I know it was shocking umm but I promised you I am uh deeply devoted and committed to putting light, and love and joy into da world, and you know, If if you hang on I promise we’ll be able to be friends again.

#story #life #flippedturned #upside

What do you think?

Leave a Reply