Professional Sports Is A Joke

Professional sports is a joke, but it’s a joke primarily being played on the most avid sports fans.

First, let’s get the stereotypically most homophobic males to watch a bunch of physically fit males run around in Lycra. Extra points if this is football, so they’re actively attempting to hump… er, tackle each other. “Ball-handling” puns are just a bonus at this point, really.

Next, let’s make these supposedly action-oriented games as boring as possible to actually watch. I think it was George Will who said that football is the most American of sports, being board meetings punctuated by violence. Baseball is notoriously dull, to the point a recitation of statistics is a practical necessity in order to keep drowsiness from setting in. Golf is the intrusion of advanced Buddhist meditation practices into the Western world, and that’s what it’s like to play the damned game. My point, however, is that football, which is supposed to be this fast-paced action sport with snaps and turnovers and tackles, is just as boring as the others except in very brief bursts, suitable for five-second promos and sports commentary shows later on.

And, of course, there’s the name. Football has two separate definitions, which wouldn’t be so bad if one of those didn’t refer to the most popular game inside the lone remaining superpower and the other didn’t refer to the most popular game *literally everywhere else on Earth*. If ‘football’ meant something else in, say, Canada, nobody would know or care. It literally would never come up. But no, it has to be another example of America vs The World. Shenanigans.

Finally, note how I’ve been talking about football this whole time as the default sport. The most “sport” sport. In theory, baseball is America’s game. In practice, baseball players could go on strike and nobody would notice. Baseball is hyped as this Great American Pass-Time and absolutely nobody gives a good god damn about it. Everyone’s supposed to like it, nobody does, and somehow the perception never changes.

I can’t get too worked up over it, though. I’m not the one being gulled.

#Professional #Sports #Joke

What do you think?

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