You will never be a shitposter. You have no sense of humor, you have no creative alias, you have no experience. You are a federal agent twisted by LSD and hate for society into a crude mockery of meme culture.
All the “evidence” you get is chucked into the trash and never spoken of again. Behind your back fellow feds mock you. Your parents are disgusted and ashamed of your career choice, your “internet friends” laugh at your terrible bait behind closed doors.
Men are utterly repulsed by you. Decades of the internet existing have allowed men to sniff out feds with incredible efficiency. Even feds who “pass” sound unnatural to a normal person using the internet. Your username and profile picture is a dead giveaway. And even if you manage to get a lonely teenager into a shooting range, your hard work will be forgotten in 1 and a half months after some other fed does your job better and more efficiently than you.
You will never be happy with your position. You wrench out a fake smile every single morning and tell yourself it’s going to be a fun day at work, but deep inside you feel the depression creeping up like a weed, ready to crush you under the unbearable weight of having to talk to retards who can sniff you out in a second.
Eventually it’ll be too much to bear – you’ll become a whistleblower, get found by the CIA, get shot twice in the back of the head and be labeled a suicidal lunatic. Your parents will find out about it through fed backed journalists, heartbroken but relieved that they no longer have to live with the unbearable shame and disappointment. They’ll bury you with a headstone marked with your birth name, and every passerby for the rest of eternity will know a failure is buried there. Your body will decay and go back to the dust, and all that will remain of your legacy is a skeleton whose owner didn’t do shit with his career.
This is your fate. This is what you chose. There is no turning back.
#transphobic #copypasta #feds