Can someone that is not as shocked as me and knows how this works explain it to us?
Edit: Whoa…. No wait.. No golds? hmm :(…
But seriously when did this get this much upvotes (👁 ͜ʖ👁)
Edit: Shhhh… OP’s lame.
Edit: Shall we delete the account now?
**Edit**: (7616 upvotes before posting this Edit 8 hours after my original comment)
**TL;DR**:The original comment without edits:
> Can someone that is not as shocked as me and knows how this works explain it to us?
was what I posted when I saw this gif while browsing madghosts, but it later got a lot of upvotes (3000 at time) and I have OCD, so as much as I tried to resist the urge to not edit it with anything lame, finally I gave up and edited and I got replies (not blaming you, just saying the whole story. In fact it’s lame to myself since I tried to ignore the erge/ocd) that it’s lame so I tried to make it funny with next two edits. But after third edit I had the erge to completely remove all the edits or my comment or my account and forget about it.. what I used to do and do sometimes. but it had a lot of upvotes, so I thought I try to explain about one instance of my mental illness and what happened with this comment.
and I should probably mention I don’t randomly come across a post to write down my life story, It just turned out this way. But to be able to reduce the stigma around any mental illness you need to be short, to the point and relevant. But I’m not that good in anything and if anything I’m honest and I’m sorry if this is irrelevant to you.
I’m gonna try my best to keep it simple and explain something that many of you probably will find it absurd, cringy and not willing to read here on /r/gifs or otherwise maybe you find it interesting.
But I’m enough anxious (experiencing panic attack) to don’t completely understand the situation for myself. You certainly saying what situation, and I’m sorry I didn’t explain it in my last edit, but it’s my OCD and I explained it in tl;Dr.
Or maybe you’re saying: “there’s no situation here, it’s just a fucking comment”, “You should’ve simply deleted the last two edits or all”, “It doesn’t matter, you didn’t have to edit this comment again!”, “get some help” (actually you suggested that in comments and you’re right. I will do that soon, but my current expectations of life is very high, and my life quality very low so I’m pretty suicidal. And still I may find help but I hear drugs doesn’t work on everybody and has some side effects), etc.
“fucking just.. just don’t.. stop this bullshit.. you’re already feeling enough shit and you know the end” is what went in my mind when I saw the comment at 3000 and before every other edit
6 hours ago [this edit last night got 2 hours of writing with panic attacks (rapid heartbeat. is that a panic attack?) since English isn’t my first language and I learned through watching movies] the moment that i commented this it was my true nature commenting something on my mind. But after seeing the upvotes (3000 at time) finally was when i knew the ‘end of my story’ (right now.. anxioused, feeling like shit. but of course, i’m not blaming you, this is my life). My mind in that moment: “shut up.. it fucking doesn’t matter, it’s fucking all the same cliche shit [pressing my teeths agasint each other]”. Maybe you think I was trying to don’t get exited about it? no I’m talking about the end of the story where no matter what I will feel like shit because i had to resist the erge to don’t edit my comment and other in-my-mind-complicated stuffs that an OCD person will understand. So yeah it won’t feel good trust me, if you aren’t ocd.
I didn’t removed my Edits despite how anxioused i was:
* **Reason 1**: it would’ve stay labeled “edited” (my OCD).
You may say “well, why does that matter to you?” well my answer is: I will randomly think about it until the next week and feel like shit that why I can’t focus to do study, sing along my sing, etc. And that’s what’s happening with my life in a couple years.
And I hate the fact i couldn’t be myself due to my OCD and I had to delete my comment (it didn’t happen but could’ve) and go back and forth and get exhausted over: “what ppl will think”, “why is that person mean? maybe i should check his profile to find out a little about his character to be able to realise if i’m wrong or he is.”, etc and i’m not able to simiply don’t care about it, move on or at least to learn (with OCD you’re too busy with past and learning can be very exhausting) if i was wrong. and actually i did check two profile and got a little more confused. and at the end, I will have that exhausting feeling and wondering how much should i keep doing this shit?
* **Reason 2**: maybe there’s someone wondering what’s going around in my mind (an ocd person)? but don’t get me wrong i’m not saying if some other guy edited they’re comments with a lame statement has OCD!
tbh, I resisted my anxiety (not excitement) about how much more upvotes this comment will get after this edit. It probably seems cringy to you and will seem ultra cringy for me later when i remember it… the fact that: “the other day on madghosts i was ocd about how much more upvotes this comment will get after this edit”. Trust me, I will, OCD is that shitty. that’s when my body tries to go numb or something i can’t discribe well that you see yourself just stuck and going with the flow. maybe this whole thing is a meme to you, it’s also a meme to me when i see it after the situation is done. But while i’m stuck at it i get anxioused, exhausted and suicide seems the real way out. what do we all live for? happiness? well i’m not gonna lie there is happiness in my life sometimes, but the pain is enough to want for just quit this never ending maze.
actually now that i think about it, it seems that this edit also was my erge (ocd) to get more upvotes, and for example my fucking my mind right now is “my mind: it will make me happy to see that my comment got 10000 upvotes by now so people will see my story” and then me again:”but it wasn’t worth getting that much upvotes even from the start .. i’m sure it didn’t”…
Now that i’m waiting the Edit to save and page refreshs, the anxiety (rapid hearbeat) kicks in.. and now there’s two scenarios:
* **My post got more upvotes**: me starting to get exited but then again me fucking myself over to not to; cause this shit is too cliche and is just giving me anxiety instead of anything else and why the fuck is my body trying to get excited for something that i don’t want to give shit about. Based on exprience, If this became the case, my mood gets out of its normal balance (normal balance: procrastinating, being mainly numb and behind the reality in daily life) and i prefer the second case.. to straight feel like shit instead of slow motion pain.
* **If it didn’t got more upvotes or especially if it got more downvoted**: i will feel like shit, but it’s better than the first case.
“Why the fuck you care about upvotes any way?” you may say. But actually I don’t that’s the whole ocd system. This whole thing will be a meme to myself later when the anxiety is gone and I’m able to normally think about it.
I know some parts of my comment seems showy, or maybe seems that I’m pretending but thanks for all the supports you suggested in comments, I appreciate it!
And… also despite some of your memes are funny and I like them but I’m gonna stick with my story and I don’t blame you. Life didn’t used to be this tough for some of us.
#longest #award #speech #edit #conceived #man