The longest award speech edit ever conceived by man.

Can someone that is not as shocked as me and knows how this works explain it to us?

Edit: Whoa…. No wait.. No golds? hmm :(…
But seriously when did this get this much upvotes (👁 ͜ʖ👁)

Edit: Shhhh… OP’s lame.

Edit: Shall we delete the account now?

**Edit**: (7616 upvotes before posting this Edit 8 hours after my original comment)

**TL;DR**:The original comment without edits:

> Can someone that is not as shocked as me and knows how this works explain it to us?

was what I posted when I saw this gif while browsing madghosts, but it later got a lot of upvotes (3000 at time) and I have OCD, so as much as I tried to resist the urge to not edit it with anything lame, finally I gave up and edited and I got replies (not blaming you, just saying the whole story. In fact it’s lame to myself since I tried to ignore the erge/ocd) that it’s lame so I tried to make it funny with next two edits. But after third edit I had the erge to completely remove all the edits or my comment or my account and forget about it.. what I used to do and do sometimes. but it had a lot of upvotes, so I thought I try to explain about one instance of my mental illness and what happened with this comment.

and I should probably mention I don’t randomly come across a post to write down my life story, It just turned out this way. But to be able to reduce the stigma around any mental illness you need to be short, to the point and relevant. But I’m not that good in anything and if anything I’m honest and I’m sorry if this is irrelevant to you.

/End/

I’m gonna try my best to keep it simple and explain something that many of you probably will find it absurd, cringy and not willing to read here on /r/gifs or otherwise maybe you find it interesting.

But I’m enough anxious (experiencing panic attack) to don’t completely understand the situation for myself. You certainly saying what situation, and I’m sorry I didn’t explain it in my last edit, but it’s my OCD and I explained it in tl;Dr.

Or maybe you’re saying: “there’s no situation here, it’s just a fucking comment”, “You should’ve simply deleted the last two edits or all”, “It doesn’t matter, you didn’t have to edit this comment again!”, “get some help” (actually you suggested that in comments and you’re right. I will do that soon, but my current expectations of life is very high, and my life quality very low so I’m pretty suicidal. And still I may find help but I hear drugs doesn’t work on everybody and has some side effects), etc.

“fucking just.. just don’t.. stop this bullshit.. you’re already feeling enough shit and you know the end” is what went in my mind when I saw the comment at 3000 and before every other edit

6 hours ago [this edit last night got 2 hours of writing with panic attacks (rapid heartbeat. is that a panic attack?) since English isn’t my first language and I learned through watching movies] the moment that i commented this it was my true nature commenting something on my mind. But after seeing the upvotes (3000 at time) finally was when i knew the ‘end of my story’ (right now.. anxioused, feeling like shit. but of course, i’m not blaming you, this is my life). My mind in that moment: “shut up.. it fucking doesn’t matter, it’s fucking all the same cliche shit [pressing my teeths agasint each other]”. Maybe you think I was trying to don’t get exited about it? no I’m talking about the end of the story where no matter what I will feel like shit because i had to resist the erge to don’t edit my comment and other in-my-mind-complicated stuffs that an OCD person will understand. So yeah it won’t feel good trust me, if you aren’t ocd.

I didn’t removed my Edits despite how anxioused i was:

* **Reason 1**: it would’ve stay labeled “edited” (my OCD).
You may say “well, why does that matter to you?” well my answer is: I will randomly think about it until the next week and feel like shit that why I can’t focus to do study, sing along my sing, etc. And that’s what’s happening with my life in a couple years.

And I hate the fact i couldn’t be myself due to my OCD and I had to delete my comment (it didn’t happen but could’ve) and go back and forth and get exhausted over: “what ppl will think”, “why is that person mean? maybe i should check his profile to find out a little about his character to be able to realise if i’m wrong or he is.”, etc and i’m not able to simiply don’t care about it, move on or at least to learn (with OCD you’re too busy with past and learning can be very exhausting) if i was wrong. and actually i did check two profile and got a little more confused. and at the end, I will have that exhausting feeling and wondering how much should i keep doing this shit?

* **Reason 2**: maybe there’s someone wondering what’s going around in my mind (an ocd person)? but don’t get me wrong i’m not saying if some other guy edited they’re comments with a lame statement has OCD!

tbh, I resisted my anxiety (not excitement) about how much more upvotes this comment will get after this edit. It probably seems cringy to you and will seem ultra cringy for me later when i remember it… the fact that: “the other day on madghosts i was ocd about how much more upvotes this comment will get after this edit”. Trust me, I will, OCD is that shitty. that’s when my body tries to go numb or something i can’t discribe well that you see yourself just stuck and going with the flow. maybe this whole thing is a meme to you, it’s also a meme to me when i see it after the situation is done. But while i’m stuck at it i get anxioused, exhausted and suicide seems the real way out. what do we all live for? happiness? well i’m not gonna lie there is happiness in my life sometimes, but the pain is enough to want for just quit this never ending maze.

actually now that i think about it, it seems that this edit also was my erge (ocd) to get more upvotes, and for example my fucking my mind right now is “my mind: it will make me happy to see that my comment got 10000 upvotes by now so people will see my story” and then me again:”but it wasn’t worth getting that much upvotes even from the start .. i’m sure it didn’t”…

Now that i’m waiting the Edit to save and page refreshs, the anxiety (rapid hearbeat) kicks in.. and now there’s two scenarios:

* **My post got more upvotes**: me starting to get exited but then again me fucking myself over to not to; cause this shit is too cliche and is just giving me anxiety instead of anything else and why the fuck is my body trying to get excited for something that i don’t want to give shit about. Based on exprience, If this became the case, my mood gets out of its normal balance (normal balance: procrastinating, being mainly numb and behind the reality in daily life) and i prefer the second case.. to straight feel like shit instead of slow motion pain.

* **If it didn’t got more upvotes or especially if it got more downvoted**: i will feel like shit, but it’s better than the first case.

“Why the fuck you care about upvotes any way?” you may say. But actually I don’t that’s the whole ocd system. This whole thing will be a meme to myself later when the anxiety is gone and I’m able to normally think about it.

And finally…

I know some parts of my comment seems showy, or maybe seems that I’m pretending but thanks for all the supports you suggested in comments, I appreciate it!

And… also despite some of your memes are funny and I like them but I’m gonna stick with my story and I don’t blame you. Life didn’t used to be this tough for some of us.

#longest #award #speech #edit #conceived #man

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  1. Can someone 👤 that is not as shocked 😳 as me and knows 🤔 how this works 🏢 explain 💬 it to us 👨?

    Edit 📝: Whoa 😮…. No 🚫🅱 wait 🚏.. No 🔫🚫 golds 🏅? hmm 🤔 :(…
    But 🍑 seriously 😒 when 🍑 did this get 🉐 this much 🔥 upvotes ⬆🆙 (👁 ͜ʖ👁)

    Edit 📔📝: Shhhh… OP’s 👌👉 lame 🌹🙃.

    Edit 📝: Shall 😂 we delete 🚫❌ the account 💳 now?

    **Edit 📔📝**: (7616 upvotes ✅ before ⬅ posting 💩📨 this Edit 📔📝 8 👊 hours 🕐 after 👀 my original 👌 comment 💬)

    **TL;DR**:The original 🤔 comment 🗣 without 🚫 edits 📑:

    > Can someone 😏 that is not as shocked ⚡ as me and knows 🤔 how this works 💼 explain 📢 it to us 🇺🇸?

    was what I 👁 posted 🙀 when ⏰ I 👁 saw 👀 this gif 📸 while browsing 🌐 reddit 👽, but 🍑 it later 🕑🕖🕠 got 🉐 a lot 💯 of upvotes ⬆🆙 (3000 🤑 at time 🕐) and I 👁 have OCD 🤲🅱, so as much 🔥😒 as I 👥 tried 🇮🇹 to resist ✋ the urge 🍆💦 to not edit 📑 it with anything 😯 lame 🌹🙃, finally 👆 I 👁 gave 👑🎁 up ☝ and edited ✒ and I 🌲👁 got 🍸 replies 💬 (not blaming 🐦 you 👈, just saying 🗣 the whole 💦😍 story 📖. In fact 📕 it’s lame 😞🔴 to myself since 🎅🏿💦 I 👁 tried 👀 to ignore 💩😂 the erge/ocd) that it’s lame 😞🔴 so I 👁 tried 👀 to make 🖕 it funny 😂 with next ⏭ two ✌⏲🕰 edits 📔📝. But 🍑🏼 after 👀 third 3️⃣ edit 📑 I 👁👀🥱 had the erge to completely 🚫 remove 🚫❌ all 💯 the edits 📔📝 or my comment 💬 or my account 💳 and forget 🤔 about 😲💦 it.. what I 👁 used 🎶 to do and do sometimes 🕒. but 🤔 it had a lot 🍑 of upvotes ⬆🆙, so I 👥 thought 💭 I 👁 try 😐 to explain 💬 about 🤔 one 😤 instance 🤔 of my mental 🧠 illness 📝 and what happened 🤔😂😍 with this comment 💬.

    and I 👁😩👄 should probably 😻 mention 👄 I 👁 don’t 🚫 randomly 🎲 come 💦 across ➡ a post 📩📝💬 to write ✍ down 🔻 my life 💓 story 📖, It just turned 😍 out this way 💫. But 🍑 to be able 💪 to reduce ⬜▫ the stigma 🔪 around 🔃 any mental 🤯 illness 📝 you 👈 need 👉 to be short 🚸, to the point 📍 and relevant 📈. But 🍑 I’m 💘 not that good 👌 in anything 😯 and if anything 😯 I’m 💘 honest ❎ and I’m 💘 sorry 🙇🙏 if this is irrelevant ❌ to you 👉.

    /End 🔚/

    I’m 💘 gonna 🔥 try 😐 my best 👌💯 to keep 😣 it simple 😡 and explain 💬 something 😅 that many 👬 of you 😍👈 probably 😻 will find ❌🔍 it absurd 😂, cringy 😰 and not willing 💩 to read 📖 here on 🔛 /r/gifs or otherwise 😎 maybe 🤔 you 👉 find 👀 it interesting 🤔.

    But 🍑🌝 I’m 💘 enough 💦 anxious 😨 (experiencing 😯 panic 🤔 attack 👊) to don’t ❌ completely 🚫 understand 📚 the situation 🎮👾 for myself. You 👈🏾 certainly 🔗 saying 🗣 what situation 🎮, and I’m 💘 sorry 💔 I 👁 didn’t explain 📢 it in my last 😍 edit 📑, but 🍑 it’s my OCD 🤲🅱 and I 👁 explained 👨🏼‍🏫👦🏼 it in tl;Dr 👈🚪.

    Or maybe 🤔 you’re saying 🗣: “there’s ✔ no 🙅 situation 🎮👾 here, it’s just a fucking 🍆 comment 💡💬❕”, “You 👉 should’ve simply 🔢 deleted 🙅‍♂️❌ the last 😍 two ✌ edits 📔📝 or all 💯”, “It doesn’t matter 🙅, you 👈 didn’t have to edit 📔📝 this comment 💬 again 😬!”, “get 🉐 some help 🆘” (actually 😳🅱 you 👈 suggested 👀 that in comments 😩✏💬 and you’re right ✔. I 🕴👁 will do that soon 🔜, but 🍑🌸 my current ⌚ expectations 👀😱 of life 💓👨 is very ✅ high 🕛, and my life 👤 quality 🔥💯 very 👌 low 🔉 so I’m 💘 pretty 👸 suicidal ⚰. And still 🤞🙌 I 👥 may 🗓 find 👀 help 🆘 but 🍑 I 👁 hear ✋👂 drugs 💉💊 doesn’t work 💼💯🔁 on 🔛 everybody 👴👵👨 and has some side 👳 effects 😂🤡), etc 📒.

    “fucking 🍆💦🍑 just.. just don’t 🚫❌.. stop 🚫✋⛔ this bullshit 🐮💩.. you’re already 👋 feeling 😎 enough 💦 shit 💩 and you 👄👈 know 🤔🔜🙅🏾 the end 🔚” is what went 🏃 in my mind 🧠 when 🍑 I 👁 saw 👀 the comment 💬 at 3000 🔢 and before 😂 every ☝ other edit 📑

    6 🕕 hours 🕐 ago 🔙 [this edit 📝 last ♿ night 🌙 got 🍸 2 🕝 hours 🕐 of writing 📝 with panic 😬 attacks 👳 (rapid 🚸📆 heartbeat 💓. is that a panic 😢 attack 👊?) since 👨 English 🇬🇧 isn’t my first 🥇 language 🇪🇸 and I 👁🏻 learned 1️⃣ through watching 👀 movies 🎬🎥] the moment 😳 that i 👥 commented 👄 this it was my true 💯✔ nature 🍃🌿 commenting 💬 something 😅 on 🔛 my mind 🤯. But 🍑 after 👀 seeing 👀 the upvotes ⬆🆙 (3000 🔢 at time ⏰) finally 🙏 was when 🍑 i 👥 knew 🙀🙈 the ‘end 🔚 of my story’ 📖 (right ✔ now.. anxioused, feeling 😁 like 💖 shit 💩. but 🍑 of course 🏎, i’m 💘 not blaming 🐦 you 👉, this is my life 💓). My mind 🤯 in that moment ⚠: “shut 😷 up ☝.. it fucking 🚪💦🍆 doesn’t matter 🙅, it’s fucking 🖕👦 all 💯 the same cliche shit 🕢💩 [pressing 👊 my teeths agasint each other]”. Maybe 🤔 you 👉🏼 think 🤔 I 👁 was trying 😈 to don’t 🚫 get 🉐 exited 🏃 about ✨💦 it? no 🚫 I’m 👌 talking 🗣 about 💦 the end 🔚 of the story 📖 where no 🙅🏻❌ matter 🙅 what I 👁 will feel 😁 like 💖 shit 💩 because i 👁 had to resist ✋ the erge to don’t 🚫 edit 📝 my comment 💡💬❕ and other in-my-mind-complicated stuffs 💰 that an OCD 🤲🅱 person 👫 will understand 🤔. So yeah 🙌 it won’t 🚫 feel 😜 good 👌 trust 💯😤 me, if you 👈 aren’t ocd 🤲🅱.

    I 👥 didn’t removed 🚫 my Edits 📔📝 despite 🚫 how anxioused i 👁 was:

    * **Reason 🌱🌈🌟 1 ❗**: it would’ve 🙌🏽 stay 💒 labeled 📝 “edited 👨🏽‍🔧” (my OCD 🤲🅱).
    You 👈 may 🗓 say 🗣 “well 😦, why 🤔 does that matter 🙅 to you 👈?” well 😦👀🤷 my answer ✅ is: I 👁 will randomly 🔀 think 🤔❓ about 💦 it until the next ⏭◀👎🏻 week 📅 and feel 😁 like 👍 shit 💩 that why 🤔 I 👁 can’t 🚫 focus 🔎 to do study 📿⛪, sing 🎶 along 💁🔝 my sing 👼🎤🎵, etc 🛫🛬. And that’s ✔ what’s ❔❓🤔 happening 🤔 with my life 👤 in a couple 👌 years 🗓.

    And I 👁 hate 😡 the fact ☑ i 👁 couldn’t be myself due 🙏 to my OCD 🤲🅱 and I 👁 had to delete ❌ my comment 💬 (it didn’t happen 💦🍆😍 but 🍑 could’ve 💊🎉) and go 🏃 back ⬅ and forth 🔛 and get 🉐 exhausted over 🔁: “what ppl 👬👭👫 will think 🤔”, “why ❓ is that person 👫 mean 😏? maybe 🤷‍♀️ i 👁 should check 👀✔ his 💦 profile 👤 to find 🔎 out a little 👌 about 💦 his 💦 character 🔣 to be able 👉 to realise ⚠💡 if i’m 💘 wrong ❌ or he 👨 is.”, etc 🛫🛬 and i’m 💘 not able 💪 to simiply don’t 🚫 care 😘 about 💦 it, move 📦 on 🔛 or at least 💯 to learn 👨‍🏫 (with OCD 🤲🅱 you’re too busy 👤 with past 💦 and learning 💭🎓📗 can be very 👌 exhausting 😫😈🍆) if i ℹ👁 was wrong ❌🙅‍♂️. and actually 🤔 i 👁 did check ✔ two ✌ profile 👤 and got 🍸 a little 🍆👌 more confused 😕. and at the end 🔚, I 👥 will have that exhausting 👳 feeling 😁 and wondering 🤔 how much 🔥 should i 👁 keep 👌 doing this shit 💩?

    * **Reason 🌟 2 ✌**: maybe 🤔 there’s ✔ someone 👤 wondering 🤔 what’s 😦 going 🏃 around 🧱🎶🎵 in my mind 🧠 (an ocd 🤲🅱 person 👨)? but 🍑 don’t 🚫 get 🔟 me wrong ❌ i’m 👌 not saying 🗣 if some other guy 👨👩 edited 👨🏽‍🔧 they’re 👨 comments 💬 with a lame 😞🔴 statement 🇺🇸 has OCD 🤲🅱!

    tbh 😠, I 👁 resisted my anxiety 😟 (not excitement 👀😃💦) about 💦 how much 🔥 more upvotes ⬆ this comment 🗣 will get 🔟 after 2️⃣ this edit 📑. It probably 😻 seems 👀 cringy 😬🙄 to you 👈 and will seem 👀 ultra 🌀 cringy 😫 for me later 🕑 when 🍑 i 👁 remember 💭 it… the fact ☑ that: “the other day 📆 on 🔛 reddit 👽 i 👁 was ocd 🤲🅱 about 💦 how much 😩😂🙀 more upvotes ✅ this comment 💬🗯 will get 🔟 after 👀 this edit 📑”. Trust 🙅🏿🚫 me, I 👥 will, OCD 🤲🅱 is that shitty 💩. that’s ✔ when 🍑 my body 💃 tries 😥😐 to go 🏃 numb 😑 or something 😅 i 👁 can’t ❌ discribe well 😦 that you 👉 see 👁 yourself just stuck 😱❌ and going 🏃 with the flow 🌊🏞. maybe 🤔 this whole 💦 thing 📴 is a meme 😂🐸💯 to you 👈, it’s also 👨 a meme 🐸 to me when ⏰ i 👁 see 👀 it after 2️⃣ the situation 🎮 is done 🔨. But 🍑 while i’m 💘 stuck 👥 at it i 👁 get 🉐 anxioused, exhausted and suicide ⚰ seems 👀 the real 💯 way ↕ out. what do we all 💯 live 😩 for? happiness 😀? well 😦 i’m 💘 not gonna 🔥 lie 😤 there is happiness 😀 in my life 💓 sometimes 🕒, but 🍑 the pain 😡 is enough 💦 to want 😋 for just quit 🚫🛑 this never ❌ ending 🔚 maze 🤗.

    actually 🤔 now that i 👁 think 💭 about 💦 it, it seems 👀 that this edit 📔📝 also 👨 was my erge (ocd 🤲🅱) to get 🉐 more upvotes ✅, and for example 💪 my fucking 🍆💦 my mind 🤯 right ✔ now is “my mind 🤯: it will make 🖕 me happy 😀 to see 👀 that my comment 🗣💬📄 got 🍸 10000 💵🅾💯 upvotes ⬆ by now so people 👫 will see 👀 my story 📚” and then me again:”but it wasn’t worth 🤑💰💳 getting 🉐 that much 🔥 upvotes 😩🤮⬆ even 🌝 from the start 💢 .. i’m 👌 sure 💯 it didn’t”…

    Now that i’m 👌 waiting 🚏 the Edit 📝 to save 📑 and page 🔝 refreshs, the anxiety 😟 (rapid 🚸📆 hearbeat) kicks 🛴 in.. and now there’s ✔ two 🌚✌ scenarios 📽:

    * **My post 📝 got 🉐 more upvotes ⬆🙌**: me starting 🆕 to get 🔟 exited 🚪 but 🍑 then again 😬 me fucking 🍆 myself over 🔁 to not to; cause 🎗 this shit 💩 is too cliche and is just giving 👉 me anxiety 😟 instead 🚔 of anything 😯 else 🏿😩 and why 🤔 the fuck 🖕 is my body 💃🏽👀👅 trying 😈 to get 🉐🅰 excited 👀😃💦 for something 😅 that i 👁 don’t ❌ want 😍🌈 to give 👉 shit 💩 about 🤔. Based 👌 on 👅👀💦 exprience, If this became 🚡 the case 💼, my mood 💦🍆 gets 🔟 out of its normal 😐 balance ⚖ (normal 👩‍🦯 balance ⚖👐: procrastinating, being mainly 👌 numb 😑🎸 and behind 👟 the reality 💯💀 in daily 📆 life 👤) and i 👁 prefer 🍞 the second 🕑 case 📋.. to straight 📏 feel 😁😭 like 👍👌😍 shit 💩 instead 🚔 of slow 🐌 motion 👣 pain 😡.

    * **If it didn’t got 🉐 more upvotes ✅ or especially 🙌 if it got 🉐 more downvoted 💩🌪**: i 👁 will feel 😜 like 😄 shit 💩, but 🍑 it’s better 💸🎲🎰 than the first 🥇 case 📋.

    “Why 😕⁉🤔 the fuck 👉 you 👈 care 😘 about 💦 upvotes ⬆🆙 any way ↕?” you 👈🏼 may 👌 say 💬. But 🍑 actually 🤔 I 👁 don’t 🚫 that’s 😦 the whole 💦😍 ocd 🤲🅱 system 🗺. This whole 💦 thing 📴 will be a meme 👍😂 to myself later 👋 when 🍑 the anxiety 👀👁😱 is gone 🏃 and I’m 👌 able 💪 to normally 😴🗳 think 🤔❓ about 💦 it.

    And finally 👆…

    I 👥 know 🤔 some parts 💆 of my comment 💬 seems 🤔 showy 📺, or maybe 🤔 seems 👀 that I’m 👌 pretending 🤧😭 but 🍑 thanks 🙏👆 for all 💯 the supports ❤ you 👉 suggested 📏⏰🙈 in comments 💬, I 👁 appreciate 🙏 it!

    And… also ➕ despite 🙅‍♂️ some of your 👉 memes 😂 are funny 😂😃 and I 👁👀 like 😄 them but 🍑 I’m 💘 gonna 👉 stick 🍆 with my story 📚 and I 👁 don’t 🚫 blame 👉 you 👈🏼. Life 💓 didn’t used 🎶 to be this tough 💪🏼 for some of us 🧔👨👇.

  2. Can someone that is not as shocked as me and knows how this wowks expwain it to us?

    Edit: Whoa…. No wait.. No gowds? hmm :(…
    But sewiouswy when did this get this much upvotes (👁 ͜ʖ👁)

    Edit: Shhhh… OP’s wame.

    Edit: Shaww we dewete the account now?

    **Edit**: (7616 upvotes befowe posting this Edit 8 houws aftew my owiginaw comment)

    **TW;DW**:The owiginaw comment without edits:

    > Can someone that is not as shocked as me and knows how this wowks expwain it to us?

    was what I posted when I saw this gif whiwe bwowsing weddit, but it watew got a wot of upvotes (3000 at time) and I have OCD, so as much as I twied to wesist the uwge to not edit it with anything wame, finawwy I gave up and edited and I got wepwies (not bwaming you, just saying the whowe stowy. In fact it’s wame to mysewf since I twied to ignowe the ewge/ocd) that it’s wame so I twied to make it funny with next two edits. But aftew thiwd edit I had the ewge to compwetewy wemove aww the edits ow my comment ow my account and fowget about it.. what I used to do and do sometimes. but it had a wot of upvotes, so I thought I twy to expwain about one instance of my mentaw iwwness and what happened with this comment.

    and I shouwd pwobabwy mention I don’t wandomwy come acwoss a post to wwite down my wife stowy, It just tuwned out this way. But to be abwe to weduce the stigma awound any mentaw iwwness you need to be showt, to the point and wewevant. But I’m not that good in anything and if anything I’m honest and I’m sowwy if this is iwwewevant to you.

    /End/

    I’m gonna twy my best to keep it simpwe and expwain something that many of you pwobabwy wiww find it absuwd, cwingy and not wiwwing to wead hewe on /w/gifs ow othewwise maybe you find it intewesting.

    But I’m enough anxious (expewiencing panic attack) to don’t compwetewy undewstand the situation fow mysewf. You cewtainwy saying what situation, and I’m sowwy I didn’t expwain it in my wast edit, but it’s my OCD and I expwained it in tw;Dw.

    Ow maybe you’we saying: “thewe’s no situation hewe, it’s just a fucking comment”, “You shouwd’ve simpwy deweted the wast two edits ow aww”, “It doesn’t mattew, you didn’t have to edit this comment again!”, “get some hewp” (actuawwy you suggested that in comments and you’we wight. I wiww do that soon, but my cuwwent expectations of wife is vewy high, and my wife quawity vewy wow so I’m pwetty suicidaw. And stiww I may find hewp but I heaw dwugs doesn’t wowk on evewybody and has some side effects), etc.

    “fucking just.. just don’t.. stop this buwwshit.. you’we awweady feewing enough shit and you know the end” is what went in my mind when I saw the comment at 3000 and befowe evewy othew edit

    6 houws ago [this edit wast night got 2 houws of wwiting with panic attacks (wapid heawtbeat. is that a panic attack?) since Engwish isn’t my fiwst wanguage and I weawned thwough watching movies] the moment that i commented this it was my twue natuwe commenting something on my mind. But aftew seeing the upvotes (3000 at time) finawwy was when i knew the ‘end of my stowy’ (wight now.. anxioused, feewing wike shit. but of couwse, i’m not bwaming you, this is my wife). My mind in that moment: “shut up.. it fucking doesn’t mattew, it’s fucking aww the same cwiche shit [pwessing my teeths agasint each othew]”. Maybe you think I was twying to don’t get exited about it? no I’m tawking about the end of the stowy whewe no mattew what I wiww feew wike shit because i had to wesist the ewge to don’t edit my comment and othew in-my-mind-compwicated stuffs that an OCD pewson wiww undewstand. So yeah it won’t feew good twust me, if you awen’t ocd.

    I didn’t wemoved my Edits despite how anxioused i was:

    * **Weason 1**: it wouwd’ve stay wabewed “edited” (my OCD).
    You may say “weww, why does that mattew to you?” weww my answew is: I wiww wandomwy think about it untiw the next week and feew wike shit that why I can’t focus to do study, sing awong my sing, etc. And that’s what’s happening with my wife in a coupwe yeaws.

    And I hate the fact i couwdn’t be mysewf due to my OCD and I had to dewete my comment (it didn’t happen but couwd’ve) and go back and fowth and get exhausted ovew: “what ppw wiww think”, “why is that pewson mean? maybe i shouwd check his pwofiwe to find out a wittwe about his chawactew to be abwe to weawise if i’m wwong ow he is.”, etc and i’m not abwe to simipwy don’t cawe about it, move on ow at weast to weawn (with OCD you’we too busy with past and weawning can be vewy exhausting) if i was wwong. and actuawwy i did check two pwofiwe and got a wittwe mowe confused. and at the end, I wiww have that exhausting feewing and wondewing how much shouwd i keep doing this shit?

    * **Weason 2**: maybe thewe’s someone wondewing what’s going awound in my mind (an ocd pewson)? but don’t get me wwong i’m not saying if some othew guy edited they’we comments with a wame statement has OCD!

    tbh, I wesisted my anxiety (not excitement) about how much mowe upvotes this comment wiww get aftew this edit. It pwobabwy seems cwingy to you and wiww seem uwtwa cwingy fow me watew when i wemembew it… the fact that: “the othew day on weddit i was ocd about how much mowe upvotes this comment wiww get aftew this edit”. Twust me, I wiww, OCD is that shitty. that’s when my body twies to go numb ow something i can’t discwibe weww that you see youwsewf just stuck and going with the fwow. maybe this whowe thing is a meme to you, it’s awso a meme to me when i see it aftew the situation is done. But whiwe i’m stuck at it i get anxioused, exhausted and suicide seems the weaw way out. what do we aww wive fow? happiness? weww i’m not gonna wie thewe is happiness in my wife sometimes, but the pain is enough to want fow just quit this nevew ending maze.

    actuawwy now that i think about it, it seems that this edit awso was my ewge (ocd) to get mowe upvotes, and fow exampwe my fucking my mind wight now is “my mind: it wiww make me happy to see that my comment got 10000 upvotes by now so peopwe wiww see my stowy” and then me again:”but it wasn’t wowth getting that much upvotes even fwom the stawt .. i’m suwe it didn’t”…

    Now that i’m waiting the Edit to save and page wefweshs, the anxiety (wapid heawbeat) kicks in.. and now thewe’s two scenawios:

    * **My post got mowe upvotes**: me stawting to get exited but then again me fucking mysewf ovew to not to; cause this shit is too cwiche and is just giving me anxiety instead of anything ewse and why the fuck is my body twying to get excited fow something that i don’t want to give shit about. Based on expwience, If this became the case, my mood gets out of its nowmaw bawance (nowmaw bawance: pwocwastinating, being mainwy numb and behind the weawity in daiwy wife) and i pwefew the second case.. to stwaight feew wike shit instead of swow motion pain.

    * **If it didn’t got mowe upvotes ow especiawwy if it got mowe downvoted**: i wiww feew wike shit, but it’s bettew than the fiwst case.

    “Why the fuck you cawe about upvotes any way?” you may say. But actuawwy I don’t that’s the whowe ocd system. This whowe thing wiww be a meme to mysewf watew when the anxiety is gone and I’m abwe to nowmawwy think about it.

    And finawwy…

    I know some pawts of my comment seems showy, ow maybe seems that I’m pwetending but thanks fow aww the suppowts you suggested in comments, I appweciate it!

    And… awso despite some of youw memes awe funny and I wike them but I’m gonna stick with my stowy and I don’t bwame you. Wife didn’t used to be this tough fow some of us.

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