Obligatory this did not happen today. I’m posting this on a throwaway because I have a lot of personal details on my main account, and I don’t want anybody on the internet to try and connect those two parts of my life. Now onto the story.
Where do I begin with this shit? Around 2 years ago, during summer time, I was happily married with my wonderful wife, in our cramped little piece-of-shit enclosure that we call our house. At the time, due to some family problems, we were taking care of her “mentally challenged brother, who we’ll call Earl, because that’s not his name. One thing to note about this guy, is that while he’s a very sweet kid, he’s also prone to freaking out quite a bit, and not being able to control himself while he’s in that state. I promise this will be important later. Now around this time, our bedroom was basically dead, which was mostly my fault, as my 87 year old father with arthiritis had died because of a tragic fall down an escalator, but I digress. As I was saying, terrible time for our sex life, and I was determined to bring back. I started by making her a scrumptous breakfast, made sure to cater to her needs all day, and just sat Earl in front of the TV for the day, a request to which he was much obliged.
We’d gotten to second base at this point, and while it was all good, I couldn’t help but feel a pain in my stomach. Perhaps the beans I had this morning? I pushed the thought away as I began to fondle my wife’s massive mammaries, eager to suckle on her bazoongas. We slowly but surely reached third base, which was fucking awesome, but also, a nagging feeling in my mind told me something wasn’t right. Just then, Earl burst into the room, which I foolishly forgot to lock, and saw me face first in my wife’s face. In my shock, I got up, and accidentally slapped my wife across the face, which made her fall to the floor, and pass out. Then a terrible sequence of events occured. Earl ran at me, and me, now realizing that I had to take a shit, and in pure shock and horror, sprayed liquid diarrhea all over the poor bastard. He began screaming at theh top of his lungs, an action I’m not quite sure how on Earth didn’t alert the neighbours, and began running around the house. I caught him, cleaned the mess up, and called the ambluance. Needless to say, it was an awkward day the next say, but we’re all good now, and my wife and I are still madly in love, and we still frequently meet up with Earl. Of course, none of us ever bring up this horrible incident, and hopefully, none of us ever will.
TL;DR: Having sexy time with the wife resulted in a poor boy being sprayed.
#TIFU #beating #wife #spraying #liquid #shit #boy #sydrome