TIFU by trying sounding with a soldering iron. (NSFW)

I don’t make the best decisions when I’m high.

I’d like to say that’s the reason I’m in a hospital bed right now, but honestly, I’m also a major dumbass. I think those two things should definitely not be mixed, and yet, I’m a big fan of Mary Jane’s. So I accept full responsibility for my actions.

This actually happened yesterday. I got home from work tired and depressed as usual (customer service). I decided I’d light one up to take some of the edge off. Granted, I’ve smoked weed less than 10 times in my entire life, and nearly all of those times have been in the last two weeks. I’m still not really used to it, I enjoy the hell out of it, but I still try to moderate myself.

Anyway, I was getting pretty damn hornky. Masturbation is something I also try to moderate myself on, and it had been a week since I busted my last nut. I figured now would be a great time to go for it. But you know what would be even more great?

I heard about sounding the same way all of you have. Someone links it to me in a normal comment and you don’t really know what it is until your eyes are burning. But after that initial exposure, I was actually pretty intrigued. Intrigued to the point where I started looking at it more often and even considered trying it. I talked to some members of the submadghosts and looked up some tips for beginners, I.e. what spots feel the best, how to know if you’ve gone too far, etc. I knew enough that I felt that I could try it but didn’t really plan on it.

That is until yesterday when I spontaneously decided that it was the perfect moment. So, I hopped off my couch and decided to prepare for it. What should I use as the… instrument? I had heard to make sure to not use anything that was cold because it would the temp would shock you and potentially make you shrivel up, which would obviously not be pleasant with a rod in the bell end. So my dumbass decided to use my soldering iron.

I have a few of them because I’m a little bit of a tinkerer and I’m working towards my electrical engineering degree. I figured I’d just turn one up to 50 or something and it would be great (high logic). I used a thin one and got to work. I doubt that you came here to about all those details, but it was pretty fucking weird. It was also hilarious to my high-ass self for some reason.

Anyway, I’m getting to the point where it’s starting to feel good. Slowly I’m moving it, resting my arm on the table for leverage. I decided to shift my weight to make myself more comfortable. This is when I majorly fucked up.

I moved to the side, and my elbow hit the touchscreen. I have some preset temps on the screen of the soldering iron base. My elbow hit 716 without me realizing, at least for a second. If you’ve ever used some of the newer soldering irons before, those fuckers heat up FAST. All of a sudden, I start to feel the thing get hotter, and I feel the worst god damn fear I’ve ever felt in my life, even worse than when I fell asleep at the wheel and hit a concrete partition. Within SECONDS this thing has become a lightsaber and my dick is the sheath. HOLY FUCKING SHIT I thought I was gonna die. I could feel the inside of my dick just fucking cauterizing and burning and oh my fucking god just thinking about it makes me want to puke. It felt like my dick was a hot dog that had just been skewered by a campfire stick that had been resting in the fire! The worst part was that I could HEAR the god damned SIZZLING. Just the worst body horror and general horror and dread and PAIN I’ve ever felt.

This all happened within a few seconds and I scrambled to rip this thing out. This was also a bad idea, but in retrospect, I don’t know what else I could’ve done. Not used a soldering iron as a cock kebab might’ve helped. The tip of this thing is slightly wider than the rest. You know how they say don’t rip beads out of your ass like beyblade? Turns out the same logic applies to sounding, which I had actually read about, but it wasn’t exactly thinking about those consequences. I ripped this thing out and OH MY GOD it was like I fucking ascended to a new level of cock and ball torture. If the heating of the iron was an earthquake, then ripping it out was the stronger and bloodier aftershock. Ever seen a prolapsed anus? Try imagining that, but instead of an asshole, it’s a 3.5 inch of smoking, sizzling, bloody twitching meat rod that is my dick.

After this, I looked at it in shock while writing in pain. My first idea was to run and get ice cubes (like that would fucking help) then I realized that was also extremely painful. I reminded myself that emergency services exist (thank god I don’t live in America) and dialed a hospital car. I pretty much just passed out after.

To condense the rest of this story, I woke up again in the ambulance with dudes looking at me like I was some kind of deranged animal. And you know what? They’re right. I can’t believe myself. Darwin would be ashamed by my existence. I got to the hospital and they jacked me up on some good shit while I passed out again. When I woke up, my dick was gone. The doctors said that it was completely unrecognizable and unrecoverable. The nerves were dead and my weiner was now like an inverted medium rare hamburger.

My options now are permanent catheter or they can try a prosthetic. I’m opting for the prosthetic but there’s also a chance I can get a transplant, which would be nice since my old model was nothing to shake a soldering iron at. A soldering iron, which, I had forgotten to TURN OFF. Thankfully the responders knew what to do because if they didn’t, my flat would be in flames right now.

So, here I am sitting in the hospital bed, dickless, witless, and full of shame. I’m thinking to myself that now they’re going to have to put a fucking section in the soldering iron safety handbook saying “do not insert into penis” and when someone asks why that’s there, they’ll hear about the guy who stuck one down his urethra when high. A local news station is running a section on me. Fuck my life. I deserve it.

TL;DR: I stuck a soldering iron down my dick-hole. It burned me.

#TIFU #sounding #soldering #iron #NSFW

What do you think?

12 Points
Upvote Downvote

Leave a Reply