TIFU by walking in on my roommate I met 3 hours ago going ham on his meat

So I moved into college a few days ago and didn’t have a roommate. I was like fuck yeah baby whole dorm room to myself this is chill. Next day I found someone else’s stuff on the other half of the dorm room. I didn’t mind, I wanted a roommate I guess anyway.

So I meet the dude, total stoner, he’s cool as fuck. We immediately knew it was gonna be a good year, we were chiefing a THC cart for hours.

Here’s where it all went wrong… I left my dorm while he was still in there to go hang with my girlfriend for a little bit. I was gone not but 45 minutes and I was going to bring my girlfriend to my dorm to meet him. I did the whole keys jiggle, talk a little bit, y’know just let him know I’m about to come inside in case he was doing anything “private.” And oh boy he was. His bed faces straight ahead so I walk in and see his leg on his bed, I assumed he was just sleeping. I walked in farther and saw him going absolute fucking mad on his dick beating the fuck out of it. He had airpods in and didn’t notice me so I just walked back slowly in shock. My girlfriend didn’t walk in yet and was like what’s wrong and I just said “holy fuck he’s beating his dick.”

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TLDR: Left my dorm room for a while. Came back 45 minutes later, “announced” that I was walking in “jiggling the keys, clearing my throat,” and walked in on my new roommate I met 3 hours prior going absolutely X games mode beating his dick.

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