A Montana cowboy was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud toward him.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, “If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?” The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, “Sure, Why not?”

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Iphone cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Ipad that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, “You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.” “That’s right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,” says the cowboy. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car. Then the cowboy says to the young man, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?”

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, “Okay, why not?” “You’re a Congressman in the U.S. government,” says the cowboy. “Wow, that’s correct,” says the yuppie. “But how did you guess that?” “No guessing required,” answered the cowboy. “You showed up here even though nobody called you, you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are, and you don’t know a thing about cows. This is a herd of sheep. Now give me back my dog.”

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  1. An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake…
    He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
    After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, ‟Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”
    The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
    In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, ‟Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you‘re blind, that you should know five things:
    The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
    The bouncer is a blonde girl with a ‘Billy-Club‘.
    I am a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blnde woman with a black belt in karate.
    The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
    The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
    Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy… Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?”
    The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, ‟No….not if I am gonna have to explain it five times…”

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