A thread of all the best jokes Siri has ever told me.

One day I was looking for creative task avoidance tactics, so I asked Siri to tell me a joke. Here are some of the best she had:

1. Whiteboards are quite remarkable.

2. Pavlov’s hair wasn’t always so silky. He had to condition it.

3. Did you hear about the band called 1023MB? They’re good, but they haven’t got a gig yet.

4. What did the Buddhist monk say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything.

5. My thesaurus isn’t just terrible…it’s also terrible.

6. I admit I was wrong about how good my chiropractor is. I stand corrected.

7. Why do people tell actors to break a leg? Because every play needs a cast.

8. R.I.P boiling water. You will be mist.

9. To the person who stole my limbo bar. How low can you go?

10. Don’t even get me started on Velcro. What a rip-off…

11. A skeleton walks into a cafe and says “give me a coffee…and a mop”

12. A bad limbo player walks into a bar (I really liked this one).

13. How do you create light with water? Clean the windows.

[okay I think 13 is a good number to stop but I’ll go one-for-one with anyone who drops a good joke in the comments]

What do you think?

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  1. I’ve heard #4 expanded upon pretty well. I’ll write the whole thing here:

    A Buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog vendor and says “Make me one with everything.”

    The vendor frowns disapprovingly and the monk then says “Just kidding. I’ll take a chili dog with mustard and onions.”

    “That’ll be $4.43,” replies the vendor and the monk hands him $5.

    The vendor puts the money in his register and hands the monk his hot dog. The monk asks “But where’s my change?” to which the vendor replies “Change comes from within.”

    The monk furrows his brow and pulls out a .45. The vendor hurriedly throws his hands in the air and says “But what about inner peace!?!” to which the monk says “This *is* my inner piece!”

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