An old Soviet communist was lying on his deathbed with his comrades all around him.

He wanted to confess before dying.

“Misha, remember in 1921 when you were almost executed? It was me. I reported you to the Cheka. I’m sorry”

“All is forgiven, Comerade”, Misha replies

“Petya, remember in 1937 when you were sentenced to 25 years of gulag? Well, it was I who went to the NKVD. Please forgive me”

“You are forgiven, no hard feelings”, says Petya

“Vasya, I must confess to you that I had you sent to the penal battalion in 1942. I am terribly sorry about that day.”

“Please my friend, we all forgive you. You may go in peace”, says Vasya

“Thank you all for being with me for all these years”, says the old communist,

As the tears come pouring down his face.

“I’m sorry for betraying you all, I hope you will forgive me”

His friends are all touched by his words. He draws his final breath and says

“In honour of our friendship I have one last wish before I die, you see that cactus over there on the window sill? When I die, I want you to ram it up my butthole as hard as you can”

The communist then died before any of his friends could say anything. Vasya grabs the cactus, and shoves it ups the old communist’s ass while the other two help hold the communist’s legs up. Suddenly there’s someone banging on the door and shouting

“KGB open up, we’ve received information that an old Bolshevik has been tortured to death.”

What do you think?

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  1. In Soviet Russia, a man goes into a shop.

    ‟I have a badly leaking tap. When can I get a plumber around to look at it?”

    ‟Let me see. Today is 7 Feb 1984. … We can have a plumber at your place on 14 Nov 1993.”

    ‟OK. Morning or afternoon?”

    ‟What does it matter?”

    ‟Well, I have an electrician coming round in the afternon.”

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