He sits down; Then a Stork walks in, and sits next to him… and a cat walks in and sits on the other side.
He ushers the barkeep over and asks for a pint, handing over a £5 note.
The Barman has seen some shit in his time, so he is unfazed, and pours a nice cold pint.
Then the stork says “A pint please.” and he wings over a crisp fiver, too.
And then cat chimes in, “gimme a double, twenty-four-year-old, single barrelled whisky. And make that cunt pay for it.”, he says, pointing to Dave.
The barman, once again unfazed, pours the drinks.
All night this repeats: Dave says “larger”; The Stork politely asks for a “larger” And The cat, as everyone expects, is naturally a cunt and demands “pour a double whisky, now, and make this cunt pay for it.”
At the end of the night, The bar keep is curious…
“So” asks the bar keep, “explain this shit, will you?! What’s with the stork and the cat?”
“Well…” says Dave, “last week, I left this bar three sheets to the wind, and I introduced my face to the floor… at speed. When I awoke, I saw an old oil lamp. I thought it was gold, so I polished it…”
“go on” urges the bar keep.
“Well; I gave it a quick rub, then out pops this bloody great Genie. It said, in a booming voice ‘I grant you, but ONE wish!’.”
“Well… what did you wish for to get a stork, and a cat that never buys drinks?” asks the bar keep…
“Well…” says Dave… “innit obvious? I wished for a tall bird, with long legs, and a tight pussy.”