I’m going to be perfectly honest. I don’t give a flying fuck if it’s been five days since you last bathed. I don’t give a flying fuck if you just worked out for three hours. I don’t give a flying fuck if you have taken five shits today. I would without hesitation sniff, eat, and…

I hear on the grapevine you’ve been ignoring me lately, darling. A slow smirk creeps across your face Maybe you need a refresher on just how good things can be between us. Your fingers brush against their arm, sending shivers down their spine Tell me, are you feeling a little disobedient? Voice drops to a…

Just semi-overdose on caffeine before every shit you’re about to take so you spray paint the entire bowl in a brown mist. Poop goblins are greedy creatures, too much work to condensate the shit mist into an actual log. If gold was a mist, would it be economically feasible to condensate it to a gold…

When I woke up in this place, I almost could have believed it was paradise. I feel the light flowing through me, it’s everywhere. The ground beneath my feet is a memory. So is the grass, and the sky. The warmth of the sun on my face. Around every corner, every familiar hallway, I keep…

Philosophical debates should only happen in japanese red light districsts. If you can’t debate while bombarded with sex you have yet to reach enlightenment. Each argument must be punctuated by a tight squeeze of boobs and ass. The women will dampen themselves upon feeling the conviction in your palms. They feel drawn to the power.…

I got raped by a monkey. I won’t specify the country, I was inebriated, passed out after a night out and was staying in a place with a large population of monkeys, and one was caught on camera by my friend giving me oral (I’m a guy)… What do I even do I’m not joking…