I came home really drunk last night and my wife wasn’t happy at all. “How much have you had to drink?” she asked sternly, staring at me. “Nothing” I slurred. “Look at me!” she shouted. “It’s either me or the pub, which one is it?”

I paused for a second while I thought and mumbled, “It’s you. I can tell by the voice.”

What do you think?

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  1. A drunk was headed home from the bar in his beat-up old car. He was pulled over by an officer patrolling the area. The officer came up to his window and started to question him.

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    ‟Where are you headed?” The officer asked.

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    ‟I am about to attend a lecture on the dangers of alcohol abuse and drunk driving,” the man answers.

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    Impressed but skeptical, the officer pried further, ‟Who is giving a lecture like that at this time of night?”

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    ‟My wife, at my house in about 15 minutes.”

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