cringeyjokesman
I just love them, so it’s your moment and unleash your imagination!
I want you to tell your best Chuck Norris joke
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I just love them, so it’s your moment and unleash your imagination!
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Chuck Norris applied for a job as a lumberjack.
“Can you tell us about your past experience?”
“Well, when I was a young boy I grew up in the Sahara forest, then my dad gave me my first axe.”
“You mean the Sahara desert?”
“That what they call it nowadays?”
Giraffes didn’t exist until Chuck Norris uppercut a horse.
They named a street in LA after Chuck Norris to honor him. They had to change it back because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
Chuck Norris killed two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris has a bear rug on his floor, it’s not dead just scared to move.
Jesus walked on water, Chuck Norris swam through land.
Chuck Norris killed the Dead Sea
Chuck Norris does not flush the toilet.
He scares the shit out of it…
Oedipus’s mother has a Chuck Norris complex.
In 1972 a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn’t commit, these men promptly escaped to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if it doesn’t involve Chuck Norris, maybe you can hire the A-Team
I don’t have any Chuck Norris jokes. Because everything about Chuck Norris is a fact.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he doesn’t lift himself up, he pushes the earth down.
It’s already been told by Chuck Norris, you were just to slow to see or hear it.
Chuck Norris doesn’t use nun-chucks…
…he just chucks nuns!
Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon. Chuck Norris was the first man to walk to the moon.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because he’s afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad.
Chuck Norris got me pregnant.
On a phone call.
I’m a man.
Every night before he goes to sleep, the Boogeyman checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
There are no Chuck Norris jokes, just statements of facts about him.
Hope this satisfies you for a few minutes – Enjoy
Chuck norris was once bitten by a king cobra while on an expedition in the amazon.
After 5 days of agonizing pain, the cobra died
You didn’t find Chuck Norris…he found you!!!
Chuck Norris had a street named after him but it had to be changed because no one crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
There is no face behind Chuck’s beard, there’s another fist
Chuck Norris wasn’t put in watch dogs, Watch dogs was buit around him
Chuck Norris once ate Screws from a bowl ……….. WITHOUT MILK
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
The boogeyman checks for Chuck Norris under his bed before he goes to sleep
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
When Alexander bell invented the phone he had 3 missed calls from chuck norris
Chuck Norris is the only man alive who could survive a threesome with Brigitte Nielsen and Grace Jones!!
Chuck Norris’s computer has no “backspace” button, Chuck Norris doesn’t make mistakes.
Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn’t built up the courage to tell him yet.
Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic
Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
Some magicans can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity – twice.
Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck’s gas tank as a joke….that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Wally is hiding.
Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn’t nearly foolish enough to attack him.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris.
The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay five pounds to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris made a Happy Meal cry.
Chuck Norris was in all 6 Star Wars movies…………… As The Force.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Be afraid when you see Chuck Norris, be VERY afraid when you don’t see Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris runs until the treadmill gets tired
In the back of the book of world records, it says “All records are held by Chuck Norris. The ones listed are in second place.”
Aliens are real, they’re just hiding from Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris once climbed Mt Everest by accident.
Deaf people can hear Chuck Norris
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris can speak Spanish in three different languages.
How many push-ups can Chuck Norris do? All of them.
Chuck Norris can squeeze apple juice out of a banana.
Chuck Norris completed a 500 piece puzzle with 300 pieces.
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
The last person to outsmart Chuck Norris was Stephen Hawking. He learned his lesson.
the original star wars line is: may chuck norris be with you.
A venomous snake once bit chuck norris after a few days of agonizing pain, the snake died.
Chuck norris once threw a grenade. 12 people died. Then the grenade blew up.
Chuck norris was supposed to die over a year ago, death is too afraid to tell him.
Chuck norris can find my long lost child. I’m a virgin
Chuck norris can prove the absence of ninjas
Chuck Norris once walked through a cancer ward with an erection. The next day they had to change it to the maternity ward.
The Big Bang didn’t happen until Chuck Norris clapped his hands as an infant.
Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
On the first day, God said: “Let there be light”. Chuck Norris: “Only if you say please”.
When it rains Chuck Norris doesn’t get wet… the rain gets Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Chuck Norris can see why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
When Bell invented the telephone, he had two missed calls from Chuck Norris.
If you can see Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris can see you.
If you can’t see Chuck Norris, you may be mere seconds away from death.
Legend has it that chuck Norris Gave birth to himself
Bin Ladens last words ” hey! You’re Chuck Nor____
Why are the so many jokes about Chuck Norris and none about Bruce Lee?
Because Bruce Lee ain’t no joke.
God asked Chick Norris for permission.
There’s once was a man named Chuck
Who turned most the world into cucks
But never myself
It’s bad for my health
To revere how another man fucks
Before Chuck Norris goes to sleep, he checks under the bed for Bruce Lee.
In a battle between Chuck Norris and an army of Chuck Norris clones throwing molten metal, Chuck still wins.
Chuck Norris is so amazing that he beats himself multiple times. This ended and also established his reign forever.
All must bow to the almighty Chuck 🙏
Chuck Norris isn’t homophobe. It’s homos who fear Chuck Norris.
The biggest Chuck Norris joke is his acting. He’s even worse than Seagal.
When Chuck Norris was asked what did he want to be when he grew up he answered, John Wick.
My favorite:
Chuck Norris knows what Willis is talkin’ ’bout.