I use lottery scratchcards to guage my general level of luck on any particular day. I try to tell myself I’m a solid rationalist and not at all superstitious, but clearly that’s bollocks. Worst thing is that it seems to work. The odds of winning a prize on any one scratchcard is about 1 in 4.3, and even winning my £1 investment back feels lucky. In the past three weeks, I’ve bought a scratchcard every day, won absolutely shag all, and the divining rod of fortune is clearly working because in that time I’ve been admitted to hospital for 6 days with a flesh-eating bacterial infection, had 3 operations (One of which the anesthetic stopped working 10 mins into a 40 min operation and became a surprise new entry in my top 3 least favourite experiences ever), I’ve been released from hospital and been made homeless because the truck I was living in mechanically shat the bed, because I was confused and in pain I gave it to a mechanic who, 3 weeks later still hasn’t fitted the engine I spent 600 on and seems to be trying to rip me off for two grand. Plus I’ve been diagnosed with a connective tissue disorder which explains why my joints hurt so much.
I mean, it could be worse but I can’t stop buying a motherfucker scratchcard every morning now, hoping it’ll tell me my luck has changed.
Worst of all, I am clearly not only not a rationalist but a superstitious wanker.