Some Russian anti-war jokes

1. “Partial mobilization” is when you are drafted in whole, and returned back in parts.

2. “Dad, why are we hauled off to the trenches?” “I don’t know, son, I’m not into politics.”

3. For a long time, the government told us, “if you don’t like Russia, go to another country.” Now they tell us, “if you like Russia, go to the trenches.”

4. We gave Putin our freedoms in exchange for prosperity and security. Now we have neither freedom, nor prosperity, nor security.

5. Can we have go back the last year, when we were told to stay home and self-isolate?

6. So, if my two neighbours next door conduct a referendum over who my house belongs to, and I get outvoted 2-1, it’s the “democratic vote of the people” and my home is now theirs?

7. They call a war a “special operation”, they call bombings “loud noises”, they call a rout “a regroup”. I guess now they’ll be calling forced conscription as an “all-expense paid vacation abroad.”

8. Mom used to tell me, “avoid strange men on the street, they might give you drugs.” Now she tells me, “avoid strange men on the street, they might give you a conscription notice.”

9. The generals told me, “we don’t abandon our own.” I thought they meant that they wouldn’t abandon me. Now I know that they meant I’m not one of their own.

10. The government told me, “if you don’t like Putin, you can always vote for someone else.” But it’s rather hard to do, when all the candidates I want to vote for are in prison.

What do you think?

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