The parrot abuser

I second the parrot people topping the list. My mom always had at least 3 or more from the green and yellow nape sort of normal size parrots to macaws and cockatoos. Most of them were mean and really didn’t like small children so they’d thrust themselves at me with their beaks open wide or fly at me. One of them was a rescue (they were all rescues so they all had some weird quirks from not being cared for properly) from some old widowed war veteran that passed away he named Mike that cussed like crazy, told a dirty limerick, would tell us to sweep the goddamn floor and let the fucking dogs out. He also liked to turn around and moon people, crouched down with his tail raised as high as he could and literally wiggled his butthole at us. We can only imagine what kind of loon the old man was if this is what he taught his bird! He absolutely hated me and any chance he got he would try and bite me if I walked by or charge me if my mom had him out and she thought it was hilarious and adorable. So did he, he would make this evil laugh all the time and because my mom thought his attacks were so funny she’d laugh and then he’d laugh and eventually he’d laugh like that every time he’d come after me. He was the worst and of course they live forever so he was around my entire childhood until I moved out at 17.

The second worst problem with birds, especially these huge birds, is they were unbelievably loud. They’d have their regular daily and nightly screaming hours and anytime sometime happened like the dogs got excited to go out or come running back in or people came home and invariably when someone was on the phone. Mom and her husband seemed like it wasn’t even happening and I would have what I later learned was small anxiety attacks that would leave me shaking. I practically lived in my room, moved out right after I turned 17 and rarely came home. Couldn’t even call my mom much because as soon as she’d start talking the whole background would erupt into squawking chaos and she’d just keep talking like it wasn’t happening I never lasted long so we just didn’t have conversations really.

To this day, and I’m 50 now, if I hear parrots or macaws or whatever I instantly have the same reaction. And I think she was an absolutely nut case for living with these birds for decades. If someone tells me they have birds my brain immediately questions their sanity and a guard goes up that doesn’t usually happen when I meet new people.

That asshole bird? The child terrorizer? He lived until I was probably into my early 40’s. I’m an extreme animal lover otherwise but the day she told me he died I told her the polite things one should but the minute I hung up the phone I felt pure relief and joy. Kind of like I was just so happy for the little kid inside of me that no longer shared the same world with him after years of his abuse.

Sorry! ! I guess I meant to post for a quick bond over the bird people and I got caught up in a vent I didn’t expect!


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