from r/baseball

You’ve probably played those Mario Baseball games, and cranked the fuck out of a ball with DK’s BOXING GLOVE he uses as a BAT. You never questioned how hard he hit the ball went when it soared over that asshat Toad in CF’s head. Thankfully, I’m here to remedy that, with shoddy math.

First off, let’s measure Donkey Kong’s strength: I don’t remember him lifting anything in particular other than large barrels, so we’ll go with that. So Donkey Kong weighs enough to break metal truss things, as well as toss oil drums around like it’s nothing.

If DK is able to go yard with a boxing glove, we can assume that he has an incredible punch speed of 95+ MPH. I’m gonna set an unrealistic weight for DK’s glove, and say that it’s about 40oz. The maximum bat speed for a human is currently 101 MPH, set by Matisse Verduyn. An assumption for the strength of a full grown Silverback gorilla is about 6x more than a human adult male. So let’s say that adds x6 strength to the swing.

(101 x 6 = 606)

So, with a boxing glove speed of 606 MPH, we’re gonna give him a maximum speed pitch of 105 MPH because fuck it. First though, we’ll calculate how hard he can hit it using a tee. Using a totally not stolen formula (coffitientpitch Speed(1+coeffitient)batspeed at impact) we’ll find out hit speed.

(606(1+.2) = 727.2)

Yeah. 727.2 MPH. Putting that same swing on a fastball moving 105 MPH gets you…

(727.2 + .2 x 105 = 748.2)

Donkey Kong hits a Jordan Hicks sinker 748.2 MPH. Yikes. Gary Sanchez, owner of the longest HR in the MLB last year, hit it 114.8 MPH, at a 24.8 degree launch angle, and the ball went 480 feet. That was off a much slower pitch, coming in a 92.8 MPH. DK nearly SEPTUPLES his exit velocity.

If you ACTUALLY septuple Sanchez’s exit velocity, you’d get 803.6 MPH. Adding the 21 MPH if the pitch he hit was 105 MPH, it jacks it up to 824.6 MPH. With the same 24.8 degree launch angle, we can probably assume that with the strength of a Silverback, Gary Sanchez could add at LEAST 750 FEET to the distance, which would mean Sanchez would hit it 1230 feet. Of course, 750 feet is a low estimate, but JEEEESUS.

TL;DR: Donkey Kong can probably hit a baseball 700 MPH and also hit fuckin’ NUKES


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