Pregnancy Q&A

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?

A: No, 35 children is enough.

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Q: I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?

A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

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Q: What is the most common pregnancy craving?

A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

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Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby’s sex?

A: Childbirth.

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Q: The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?

A: ‘Cause you’re fatter than they are.

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Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she’s borderline irrational.

A: So what’s your question?

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Q: My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?

A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

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Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?

A: Right after you find out you’re pregnant.

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Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?

A: Not unless the word “alimony” means anything to you.

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Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?

A: Yes, pregnancy.

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Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?

A: Not if you change the baby’s diaper very quickly.

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Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?

A: When the kids are in college.