Can someone explain why it’s such a hassle to get people to accept personal accountability/responsibility for their actions?

Can someone explain why it’s such a hassle to get people to accept personal accountability/responsibility for their actions?

What do you think?

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  1. They do not want to appear weak and stupid but that is what they are. One of my old bosses was like that. He had to be RIGHT all the time. It has everything to do with ego.

  2. Psychological defense mechanisms mostly.

    I think the best distinction between “adult” and “child that’s grown old” is the ability to look at one’s own mistakes and confront the ones that need confronting.

  3. Oh this one is easy. I deal with confrontation a lot as part of my job. People almost always know when they shouldn’t have done / been doing something. It’s in the back of their head but as long as no one confronts them it can stay in the back of their head. As soon as someone confronts them they have to face it and they get their back against a wall! It can be scary owning up to mistakes, some people deal with it easier than others.

  4. Honestly I think it is just the times we live in and the amount of liability that now exists.

    Teachers are no longer allowed to discipline children, and if there is a teacher that tries to discipline a child there is often a parent who will always no matter what take the kids side and the school district doesn’t want any part of a lawsuit or bad PR.

    Many kids today do not respect authority. Now I’m not saying that anybody should blindly follow authority, however, there are adults in a child’s life that are empowered to direct a child in what they need to be doing. Many kids just refuse to listen because their mother or father told them (they don’t have to do that and if someone tells them to do something they get to say my mommy or daddy says I don’t have to listen to you). I see this so much first hand coaching my sons baseball team. As a coach, it’s ridiculous how many gripes a parents has about so many things, and keeping the parents in check is the hardest part of coaching a youth team.

    With social media everyone is always on egg shells. There are so many videos online of what seems to be adults for no reason berating kids but 9/10 times when you get the whole story the kids were being shits and deserved to get called out for their actions. I saw a video a while back about kids riding through the streets on bikes and cops taking their bikes away, the initial reaction was the cops are harassing these kids, etc. Turns out they were being shits and could have got someone seriously hurt.

    I literally got in an argument with a person last week. I was in an extremely busy parking lot going to my son’s baseball game. I was circling the lot for about 10 minutes trying to find a spot. When I finally found a spot and my family and I are walking in there was a guy who parked his giant ass truck **with his fucking boat on a trailer** taking up literally 6 spots. I start bitching to my wife about what kind of person does this, turns out the guy was right there and heard the whole thing and responded with “I’m the guy who does that, do you have a problem”. I told him what’s wrong with you? Do you not see all the fucking cars and just went off. Instead of realizing that it wasn’t the best move he literally just says “what are you gunna do, do you wanna go”. I was fucking stunned with the level of entitlement and the fact this dude was literally willing to fight a stranger over the fact he was being an asshole and someone acknowledged it.

  5. Depending on where you are, accepting responsibility or admitting liability to the wrong person can get you fired or sued into the poorhouse. Although you might feel genuine remorse for your actions and urgently want to make things right again, it could be a bad idea to say so out loud. Let the lawyer do the talking.

  6. Many people who are afraid to admit mistakes were taught by their parents to avoid consequences by lying. Truth telling and taking responsibility ended up in a vile consequence anyway, so why not lie and avoid the consequence potentially forever?

  7. This is it’s difficult to get someone to accept accountability on an action they do not perceive as wrong . In addition, people love in denial and would rather live a life of believing their own fallacies.

  8. Internal versus external locus of control. These people feel like they have no control over their own lives. Everything is just a reaction to a stimulus. People with an external locus of control think and feel like things happen to them therefore, they literally can’t take personal accountability. They don’t understand they are accountable because they feel like they just are reacting.

    People who have this difficulty are rarely this way for shits and giggles. It’s normally due to some sort of abuse or horrible life experiences

  9. Some people just don’t see anything wrong with their behaviour, even if they’ve been told that it’s caused problems for others. They just don’t care.

  10. Ego/Pride is a huge thing for a lot of people. They’d rather go down swinging than admit to a personal failing or fault.

    It’s a lot easier to ignore your shortcomings than to actually put in the effort to work on them.

  11. It’s one thing in a setting where you take responsibility or apologize, then the other party accepts that and you move on having settled it.

    When you have the expectation that admitting any fault is merely documenting things for potential litigation or criminal charges, there’s less benefit to it.

  12. There is seldom any benefit to accepting responsibility or accountability. From a completely self-interested pov there’s really very few situations where its in your interest to admit that you were wrong or that you caused a problem.

  13. There was a relatively recent thesis arguing that the primary loss function driving the development of human intelligence is minimization of incoherence. As in, how often are you severely confused about what happens.

    You can minimize your experience of incoherence in two ways. You can update your understanding of the world to more accurately reflect reality, or you can selectively manipulate your perception of the world to reflect your understanding of the world.

    The former is actually just a lot of work, and can be painful, so people naturally avoid it. When you change one prior, it often messes with a lot of other things that then also need to be rethought. That process of self reflection itself can make you feel even more confused, running against the natural optimization function of minimizing confusion.

    The latter is a much simpler process in the short term, so people gravitate towards it when it helps them avoid feeling too confused in the short term, even if long term delusion is clearly a bad strategy.

  14. Most of people (smart or stupid, gifted or not gifted) have a hard time admitting they are wrong. Some people even with the hard evidence thrown at their face they still try to the blame responsibility to the silliest things.

    This is the root of it.

  15. I think this is a pretty complex issue, so you may not find a good straightforward answer. When and how to take responsibility for your actions can be subjective depending on your situation and social context. If you feel like lots of people around you fail to accept responsibility, then I would ask yourself how you respond to other people’s shortcomings.

    If I’m at work and I have a manager who is going to do nothing but berate me when I admit fault, then I would not go out of my way to accept responsibility for a mistake. Instead, I would try to fix the mistake myself or figure out how to make sure it wouldn’t occur in the future. To a manager, this would not be taking personal responsibility. I would feel as if I did take personal responsibility by addressing the issue myself and taking steps to resolve it.

    I’m sorry this answer isn’t very clear. I wanted to share my thoughts about this being a complex issue that can’t necessarily be explained as easily as someone’s ego getting in the way!

  16. I honestly think that a lot of people just don’t know what it looks like. They think that saying sorry is an actual apology when it’s really not. I think that people grow up being told to say sorry like it’s enough rather than actually recognizing the damage they have done, asking the person they hurt HOW that person would like to see amends made, and then making actual concrete changes that supports those amends. It’s a lot of work, requires humility, and often requires stopping behaviors that are easier or ‘fun’ rather than right or best.

  17. This is literally why I watch COPS. Listening to people deny that things in *their* pockets/cars are not theirs is absolutely hilarious to me. “These are my friend’s pants!!! We share pants sometimes. It’s not weird.”

  18. Because it’s easier to blame all of your problems on someone/something else. If nothing is your fault, then you can’t be expected to actually make the effort to fix it.

  19. I used to be guilty of deflecting responsibility. Honestly it was a combination of low self worth and anxiety that would cause me to deny any wrong doing. I’m all good now and have learned to step up when I fuck up but it took a lot of work.

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