If brands couldn’t lie in marketing, what would be some brutally honest company slogans?

If brands couldn’t lie in marketing, what would be some brutally honest company slogans?

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  1. Sears: “One foot in the grave, the other on a banana peel”

    (There are about 20 full-line Sears stores remaining in the U.S., and two more in Puerto Rico.)

  2. Starbucks – We sell medicore overpriced coffee.

    Apple/Microsoft – Our products are half as good as they should be but you have few other options so deal with it.

    All major corporations – We pretend to be socially enlightened but we actually prostitute issues because people are dumb enough to believe us that we’re doing it for any other reason than profit.

  3. There was actually a movie about this back in the 80’s called ” crazy people” An ad executive loses his mind and starts telling the truth. Yeah it’s old but so am I so fuck you.

    In before all the ” ok Boomer” responses.

  4. Kay Jewelers: “It’s a rock, a very shiny transparent rock, but it’s not only a rock. It’s an expensive rock that’s been bedazzled in other expensive rocks. It’s graded. That doesn’t really mean anything to you, but you can then brag about its ambiguous evaluation.

    Culturally, if you do not buy this rock, you are unworthy of companionship. Buy the rock or die alone. Did we mention it is shiny? People will think more of you for buying the rock. Don’t tell them you bought it from Kay’s. Then they will think less of you.”

    ​

    Tiffany’s Jewelers: “buy a brand, not a diamond”

  5. ” Hey, we from Nestlé really doesn’t care for human life at all. In fact we buy water in africa to sell it and killed babies a few decades ago. Buy our shit, so we can continue”

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