QuestionGuy
If brands couldn’t lie in marketing, what would be some brutally honest company slogans?
If brands couldn’t lie in marketing, what would be some brutally honest company slogans?
48 Comments
Leave a ReplyLeave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.
Walmart: because you’re not gonna go to Target dressed like THAT
Hot Pockets – Technically, it’s food.
Ticketmaster – “Fuck you *and* the artist”
Pepsi: *Is Pepsi OK?*
Amazon. We don’t care what we sell – we just want to sell the most.
Q Tips-“You’re actually not supposed to use them for that.”
Starbucks! You’ll pay more to have strangers see you with our cup.
Durex – Don’t make the same mistake as your parents!
Nature Valley Granola Bars: Crumbs! Crumbs! Everywhere!
Bad Dragon – “Get fucked”
Skittles! We’ll change the color of your tongue and the structure of your DNA!!
Coca-Cola – “Slowly poisoning you”
McDonald’s- we don’t wanna clean out our ice cream machine so we’d rather tell you it’s broken
Kraft Mac & Cheese: This tab will not open the box.
BMW: the ultimate status symbol for mildly successful middle managers to feel superior in.
“Supreme”
Dress how a YouTube addicted 12-year-old thinks rich people dress
De Beers – we enslave thousands to provide a rock to wear on your finger that you didn’t know you needed until we told you so
Apple: we charge what we want because fuck you social pressure will make you buy it
Doritos: Pushing Obesity, Heart Disease, and Malnutrition – for Profit!
Trojan: Doesn’t feel nearly as good, but 5 bucks now is better than tens of thousands later.
Coke. It’s very famous, everyone knows it. We ask that you not stop buying coke.
McDonalds – because the kids are acting up and you know you want it, too.
Disney – Selling back your childhood.
Jenny Craig- “Demonstrating Anal Leakage”
Comcast – We don’t give a shit because we don’t have to.
Activision-Blizzard:
Charging more for an inferior product hasn’t failed us yet
Arbys: We have meat, we dont know which meat.
Trader Joe’s! We’ve got a lot of snacks, not a lot of other stuff you’re looking for!
(But fr I love TJs)
(Nestlé) buy our products while we intentionally make people die of dehydration because why the fuck not
McDonald’s – Get your own fucking ketchup
Sears: “One foot in the grave, the other on a banana peel”
(There are about 20 full-line Sears stores remaining in the U.S., and two more in Puerto Rico.)
under armour. nike’s snarky little brother who can’t design
Starbucks – We sell medicore overpriced coffee.
Apple/Microsoft – Our products are half as good as they should be but you have few other options so deal with it.
All major corporations – We pretend to be socially enlightened but we actually prostitute issues because people are dumb enough to believe us that we’re doing it for any other reason than profit.
EA. Our games prey on children and people with gambling addictions
Burger King – It’s somehow even worse than every other fast food joint
Frosties.
It’s grrrrrrr- alright.
Kmart is still operating even though you don’t shop here.
There was actually a movie about this back in the 80’s called ” crazy people” An ad executive loses his mind and starts telling the truth. Yeah it’s old but so am I so fuck you.
In before all the ” ok Boomer” responses.
Subway: Eat fresh-ish.
Metimucil helps you shit
Taco Bell – Come challenge your stomach to a fight.
Kay Jewelers: “It’s a rock, a very shiny transparent rock, but it’s not only a rock. It’s an expensive rock that’s been bedazzled in other expensive rocks. It’s graded. That doesn’t really mean anything to you, but you can then brag about its ambiguous evaluation.
Culturally, if you do not buy this rock, you are unworthy of companionship. Buy the rock or die alone. Did we mention it is shiny? People will think more of you for buying the rock. Don’t tell them you bought it from Kay’s. Then they will think less of you.”
​
Tiffany’s Jewelers: “buy a brand, not a diamond”
White Castle – The diarrhea will *almost* be worth it!
” Hey, we from Nestlé really doesn’t care for human life at all. In fact we buy water in africa to sell it and killed babies a few decades ago. Buy our shit, so we can continue”
Google, Amazon…
“We have zero respect for your privacy”
Youtube: here’s a platform to scream into the void and we will ignore you
Captain Crunch, come for cereal, leave with a mouth full of sores
Microsoft Office, shitty, expensive and complicated. But everyone uses it so fuck you.