If you were an alien visiting Earth, how would you write a review of it like it was going to be posted on Yelp?

If you were an alien visiting Earth, how would you write a review of it like it was going to be posted on Yelp?

What do you think?

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  1. ”If you get caught being alien, just flat out deny it and blame it on Biden and the dumbfucks will believe you 10/10 earth is fun when you drunk kidnap someone with your ship. Just dont kidnap someone from florida, they probably have a molotov”

  2. “Would not let me see the manager, Employees were shit, people would not stop calling me Howard, people kept asking If I were from Area 51. Such stereotypes.” 2/10

  3. I went to the restaurant named America, and ordered a Karen. It is very high in fructose, greasy and kept making noise, it was not well cooked. Only recommended if you need to eat on your way to Neptune.

  4. Great scenery, broad choice of things to eat and drink – there’s something for everyone here. It is a bit behind the times on pollution, so avoid the cities. The natives can be extremely hostile towards strangers, but even the worst of the worst responds favorably after some anal probing. 6.5 / 10 – would revisit & recommend

  5. 3/5 stars

    At first, I was going to give 0 stars for the crowds, trash heaps, and the overall bad service, but we had some tacos and also boba that was bomb dot com.

    Added a star for the cute animals (the quokka is now my spirit animal) and also one for stuff called movies (I really recommend watching the Lord of the Rings 3-pack).

    I’m not sure if I’d come back, but if I do, I would want to try some Korean BBQ and go to a BTS concert. My gf wanted to go this time, but I couldn’t get us tickets.

  6. Abundant resources available for refueling on the way to Alpha Centauri.

    Primitive intelligent life is a minor annoyance, recommend extermination before establishing permanent fueling depot.

  7. Took a wrong turn around mars and stumbled upon this lovely planet. The planet that is, the inhabitants are awefull, they fight about the most stupid shit all the freaking time. Their mental bandwidth goed a bit like this:

    Have a religion wich is not the same as mine? Exclude these fuckers right now! Have a different world view than mine? Exclude these fuckers right now! Have a different skin color? Exclude these fuckers right now!

    At the moment they even managed to downgrade their weird habit to exclude everyone and everything to their ‘medical status’.
    I kid you not these people exclude about 20-30% of all their citizens because they did not get a jab in their arm, Hilarious!

    If we don’t go down and conquer these knuckleheads right now there will be no earth left to conquer, cause i’m absolutely positive these animals will turn to full out global warfare by the end of next year the way they’re behaving right now.

    Dumbest locals i’ve ever come across in the entire universe, lovely diverse weather. 8/10

  8. “Too many of their species suffer at the exploitative economic and political systems set up, consolidated and maintained by their elite few. Nice music though” 3/10

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