Now that you’ve grown up, what did your parents do that you now realize was bad parenting?
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My parents weren’t bad parents but I would say they were kind of benignly neglectful. I was clothed and fed and loved but not guided in any way at all. Everything was up to me. If I did homework, if I went to school, applying for college. Luckily I’m pretty naturally a rule follower and self driven or who knows how I would have turned out.
I’m not grown just yet, but ik this is bad, and if not bad, absolutely fucking stressful. My mom would do all these nice things for us, like take us on expensive trips and get our favorite foods, and right after she would find something small to yell at us for and then bring up the fact that she spent money on us, if any one of us responded in a way she didn’t like, she would make us give her the money she spent on us back.
They still think spanking is one of the best forms of punishment
Letting the TV be a babysitter.
Made us feel like they were doing us a favor by raising us. For a long time I felt like I was always indebted to my parents and nothing I could do would ever be enough.
Giving my brother a present on my birthday.
They isolated and neglected me.
“Boys dont cry.”
I dedicate this comment to my school counselor and my PE coach who both helped me get off the road to becoming a psychopath by telling me very much so that boys can and do indeed cry.
Differentiated between son and daughter
my dad trauma dumped all these really dark and twisted details of what he went through on me as if I was his therapist
I’m still a teen living with my parents but their are definitely a lot of things they do wrong that I don’t need to be grown to realize. One thing that comes to mind is my mother always just wants peace and to look at the good side which isn’t always bad but, with her that means if someone does something bad she will find the smallest good to make them seem okay. A few days ago I was talking to my mom about a friends mom who bought us some fast food and my mother knowing I don’t like this friends mom says “see she’s not all bad” now this friends mom is extremely emotionally abusive I can not stress the amount of pain she puts her child in and my mother knows this and is saying she isn’t all bad because she bough some $20 fast food. She also just doesn’t listen to me I remember I told her a therapist I had at the time was saying a lot of shitty things and that I didn’t trust him and don’t feel comfortable telling him things, she told me we’re going to keep seeing him “just in case I wanna kill myself” as If I didn’t just tell her I didn’t trust him and wasn’t comfortable talking to him. It was weeks before I convinced her to let me leave him
hmm, there was [this doozy](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/a85w78/whats_the_most_strangely_unique_punishment_you/ec8cujt/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3), my mom liked to use a cutting board on me as a fairly common punishment, plus there was a handful of times i can recall my dad trying to start a fistfight with me (yelling at me to “put em up”). oh and all the times my belongings were under threat of being taken out to the driveway and destroyed in a number of different ways purely because i didn’t look away from the TV fast enough or whatever.
My parents moved house basically every other year. For them it was a new job, new opportunities … for me it meant regularly losing all my friends, new school, etc. I never built up a circle of friends and have problems to do so until this day.
When I had a kid, I made sure she can go to the same school from kindergarden to the final exams (which start next week, BTW), so she doesn’t have to go through this.
Now she’s very keen on finally getting to know a different environment when she’ll start uni in autumn. Probably she’s around here, complaining that her parents stayed at the same boring place all her life… 😉
Lol, oh man. Don’t even get me started.
Put a lock on my bedroom door
Starting at 4 I went to the daycare at 8:00 and was one of the last ones there. The summer between 2nd and 3rd grade mom couldn’t afford daycare for both of us so I became a 7 year old latch key kid.
Well, it wasn’t really their fault, but we didn’t have car seats or seatbelts back then.
My dad being overprotective in a toxic way..
Ok I appreciate how protective you are over me and how you wanna keep me safe, but that doesn’t mean you should restrict my freedom in order to keep me safe..
For example : If I want to go take a walk around the hood with my friends, firstly he would ask me tons of questions about it such as :”Where are you gonna walk?” or “With who are gonna go with?” also “Why are you going?” and “For how long would you take for this walk ?” and so on ( he wouldn’t let me have a walk for more than two hours )…Secondly he would threaten me that if I lied to him about anything he would punish me badly ( Lol I don’t lie to him )..and lastly when I come back home I have to tell him LITERALLY everything that happened and where did we specifically walk and did we go and so on
This happens every time i go out ( even if it’s simply walking around the hood, not even going to have a cup of coffee in cafe )
And because of him I am constantly afraid of him and also afraid that I would do something wrong ( even if I’m 100% sure I didn’t do anything wrong )
I am 13 but had to mature at 5.Favorites, underplaying your kids,don’t accept your kids opinions,Yell at them for something out of there control and force you to do something that you want them to do
Kind of a long story, bear with me.
I’ve been diagnosed with adhd but nothing I did was helping me be better. I saw three therapists and none were able to help. A couple of months back, I found this book called Scattered by Gabor Mate that talked about how adhd is often an attunement disorder because your parents were preoccupied while they were watching you as a baby and so you didn’t really learn how to regulate your emotions.
The book did a great job of talking about symptoms that my therapists or other books just didn’t and gave a nice set of possible solutions. But I was still confused about why it was so bad for me because my mom is the most involved and present mom ever, and she loves playing with kids all day and all night. She was also a SAHM so none of this stuff seemed to apply.
Well I took my toddler to meet her. They haven’t met for a year because of covid. Suddenly everything made sense.
My mom doesn’t feel productive unless she’s multitasking. So she’s trying to do chores at the same time as watching my kid. My kid’s playing by herself on something and my mom leaves the room to get something. My kid notices and freaks out at being alone suddenly and cries and runs around looking for grandma. Grandma suddenly appears and all is well. This happens a few times and then my kid doesn’t even like to get absorbed in anything anymore. She’s just anxiously scanning for grandma, and super triggered when anyone leaves the room. It’s like watching adhd get induced in a person.
My mom also either indulges in exciting big rough play with my daughter, or she’s tired and totally checked out. Just a couple of days and even my daughter started following this pattern. I literally had to yell at my mom to just stay still and enjoy my daughter as she played by herself, and just spend some time talking to her, reading to her. My mom doesn’t find that exciting though.
Turns out my mom has adhd too. She just masked it with angry outbursts and defensiveness.
They stayed together “for me”, my mum made me her therapist at the ripe age of 10, my mum talked to me about our bad economy, my mum wouldn’t teach me how to talk care of myself at all until i was 16, my dad laughed and made fun of me when i failed at stuff, my dad used to jokingly almost drown me and put me in situations where i was afraid, my dad would call me a pig for eating a lot, my mum always felt the need to point out my acne even when i didn’t ask, they fought in front of me and used me to their advantages in the arguments, they only ever congratulated me when it came to grades and sports. When i was younger i never realised how bad all this was because it was all I knew, it wasn’t until I was 16 i realised how fucked up it all was
my dad would always buy my brother and i whatever we wanted if he hit or yelled at us. realizing now that i’m older it was just so we didn’t tell our mom