(Serious) Redditors who have lost a loved one, when did the grief hit the hardest?
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my aunt always had a chair that she would always sit in at family get togethers and then the next one came, the chair was empty. ik sounds weird
For me it was years later. One day I just broke down in tears and really missed my father. I wanted to ask his opinion on something and when I couldn’t I felt the worst sadness. I never really grieved before that
When a family tradition he always organized didn’t happen
When my grandmother died I was able to disconnect my feelings, because if I were to break down I couldn’t function. If someone is out of sight they are out of mind, but every once in awhile I’ll be reminded of something and I’ll cry those tears I held back.
One day my husband found a small box of keepsakes, and inside was a handkerchief my grandma helped me embroider when i was a kid. I thought it was long gone, and I dissolved into tears. It now sits next to her ashes on my mantle.
When I went to text them some dumb shit about pro wrestling at 2am, fully forgetting that they’re never going to get that text
When I would randomly run across a picture of him, his smile is something I miss alot.
The 21 gun salute at my grandfather’s internment. I held it together decently until then, but lost it and started sobbing then.
It was when during attendance at school in the classrooms she was in, every now and then some teachers would call her name but forget that she was dead. This occurred for about a month before they eventually removed her name permanently from the school’s registry. Even now, after all these years, it still hurts thinking about it.
My dad passed away from cancer four years ago – when he first passed away, it was a tidal wave. I still think about him time and time again and the pain doesn’t really ever go away.
I read in a book recently that once your world gets a little bigger, even though the grief doesn’t shrink, it seems small in comparison. Hopefully things get better soon. 🙂
Yo, my dad got hit by someone who had a stroke and ran a red light. The hardest grief happens in the moments I am watching my 4 year old son grow. Watching my own little human makes me sort of learn what I’m sure my dad went thru learning to raise me. And weirdly, it makes me miss him more than anything else has.
My wife passed 14 years ago. It still does.
Watching my mom take her final breath. I was with my sister. I was starting to recover while waiting for my dad to come. We called him shortly after. Then I saw my dad get choked up with emotion. He’s not one to typically show his emotions around others and he was really letting it out. That made me have another wave of grief . I normally don’t drink coffee but I agreed to the nurse’s offer. It felt nice and strong. Just what I needed.
It still comes at times but doesn’t nearly hurt as bad as that day. It does come out in my poems sometimes even when I try to make more joyful ones though.
For me it wasn’t until their birthday the year after they passed because it kind of crept up on me and hit me like a tonne of bricks when I realised
Seeing the open coffin.
when i finally registered that he was gone for good, and i had just learned that he cared about me wayyyy more than i truly had thought he had, truly broke me. i miss my uncle a lot, its only been a couple weeks since he’s passed, i hope he’s doing okay wherever he is. he was always looking out for me when i didn’t even know :’)
There was a lot of instances where the grief hit full force, but this is one of the more recent ones
I was wrapping up my last couple days of college and since the cafeteria was closed I had to order out. Ended up getting Wingstop that night.
First think i noticed when I opened my container of wings was the logo for this company called Genpak, which makes styrofoam and stuff for food trays, take out boxes, etc. My mom at the time she passed, was still working for the company and then all I could think about how proud my mom would’ve been that I graduated and didn’t even stil to take a break even though her death was a really hard hump for me to get over
Sat in the dark and cried for 15 minutes while I ate
Currently crying in the bathroom as I type this
Had a very good day, good things happened and was so excited to call my grandma and tell her. Just sat for half an hour looking at her number on my phone because I only remembered that she was death when I was about to call her. It’s more like, I knew she was gone but at that moment it sinked in I couldn’t a talk to her any longer…
Driving back from the clinic. It hurt a lot, especially needing to be strong for my sister.
I feel like it’s hits the hardest in new ways as times goes on, if that makes sense? I was so close to my grandad growing up, and lost him as a teenager. It was devastating then, and I just learned how to cope over time.
But when I met my now-husband at 26 (I’m now 32), I couldn’t even think about my grandad without crying. I know they would have loved each other, and I’m heartbroken they never got to meet.
when they were about to close the casket, i realized that one of the people i love the most was gone forever and maybe i never showed him how much he actually meant. i hope he knows
About a month later, when my mom handed me a Keychain with some of my grandma’s ashes on it. I got it tattooed on my chest.
I was my uncles casket barrer I had to hold it in until we got him to the grave I wanted to be strong for my grandmother (my uncles mother) I miss him every day
My grandmother died in late September, 2017 after a 6 year battle with lung cancer. In her last few months of life I saw her at her lowest. I still remember the last words she said to me, a week before she died. She had been on hospice and was losing her memory. I asked her, “Do you remember me?” And she replied, weakly, barely a whisper, “of course I remember you…” I knew her time was coming short, and her death hurt very much. I attended her funeral, and was upset but it hadn’t settled that she was gone. Fast forward to January, I was in a figure skating competition. My grandmother was a huge supporter of my competitions, and came to every single one that she was able to. Before I went on, I asked my mom “Is grandma going to be here?” and then it hit like a train. Ironically, the piece I was competing was a tribute to my grandmother. I cried on the ice, and every day for about a month afterwards. Anytime I visit my grandpa, her husband, I get hit with huge wave of nostalgia and every childhood moment I spent with her flashes before my eyes. I break down more, thinking about how I took her for granted, and how I could’ve been better to her. I miss her terribly..
Mine was a year after she died when I was talking about something funny her sister did and I accidentally said her name instead. For a second I forgot she was gone and remembering it and having to correct myself was the worst feeling.
I was in ER, listening to the doctors and nurses working over my body. It was sort of like an out of body experience, hearing “we need to get her to surgery now, or she loses her leg”. I was stable enough at the moment that a detective came back to speak with me. A nurse grabbed my hand, and smoothed my hair out of my face when he said “I’m sorry to inform you, but your aunt has died.”
The weight of how bad the accident was was crushing. I honestly thought I was the one who took the most of the impact. I felt like I had failed to protect my passengers, even though I did absolutely nothing wrong. There’s not a day goes by that I don’t think about her.
My dog was being put down, the grief hit when I hugged her for the last time and her body felt so limp. She was also at the vet regularly, so much that after we left the vet. I think she’s just having a check up and she’s fine and she’ll be home within a few hours. Idk why my mind can’t comprehend that she’s gone, not even when I look at her urn. But recently my other dog had a check up (he got a urine infection, he’s doing better now) but when I got there and saw the room my other dog was put down in. I started to cry, I didn’t want attention so I held it in. I also remember that before she die, a man alone was crying near that room, I wondered why he was crying, but now I know why
When I got the news that my grandmother died.
She was so sweet and I was probably 7 at the time and couldn’t handle it
When my mother told me that my father had passed away in the hospital
After my grandmother died in 2015, I couldn’t even bear to see her clothes.. So my mum packed them all up into this huge black garbage bag and the thing just sat in our house for almost a year until we finally gave them away.. Every time I saw her clothes, that’s when it hit me the most that she was no longer with us and that I will never ever see the same person in front of me wearing those clothes.
My great great(?) aunt (great grandmother’s sister) passed away in 2020. I was devastated. We were quite close, as she was with all the kids in the family. Grief hit the hardest one day when I was scrolling through the internet and found a reference to a song she loved (her name was Eileen, so she really liked the song come on Eileen and we would always play it at family gatherings) and i just couldnt take it. I burst out sobbing and ran to my parents. We hugged in silence for a while, before i just went back to my room and we didnt talk about it the next day.
When my dad died my sister called me while I was at work to tell me. I didn’t feel anything when she said it because it just didn’t register. I was sad but couldn’t do anything. A few months later my grandma died and at the funeral I completely lost it. I cried harder than I’ve ever had in my life. That whole year was a blur after that.
after a few years of my ex-boyfriends death, i had a dream with him and i hanging out and doing stuff together. the thing is, he was almost never in my dreams before that.
When I first heard about the terminal cancer diagnosis. By the time it was all over after the funeral, I was honestly more relieved than anything. From what I’ve heard, this is a pretty common reaction.
I lost my aunt 3 weeks after my birthday and at first it didn’t hit me that she was gone until I was staring at her casket. That’s when I realized she’s never coming back and how many lives were impacted by her passing.
It didn’t affect me too much initially but earlier this year, I regretted not being there for his final moments. I can only wonder what was going through his head, where he potentially questioned how much I loved him. To this day, not being there for him is my biggest regret.
Seeing my cousin cry. He’s like a brother to me.. and seeing him cry for the first time in our lives really hurt. We hugged for about 30 minutes that day. We needed each other.
My Dad died a couple years back and while I was obviously upset in the moment it’s come out a lot harder in random times.
Once while a mentor from college hugged me and told me he was proud of me, I just started crying. Basically during times of the realization that whatever relationship I had or wish I could’ve had with my Dad was gone and I wouldn’t get a redo.
My great grandma that I spent every morning and evening with after school until I was 10 or so passed away in September. It hurt then. It still does. When I go to mow my great grandpas lawn all I can think of is all the times I blew off coming to visit her to play with friends or play online. I tried talking to the side of the family she was on and all they say is “it’s your own fault”. My dads side (family divorced) says “There’s never enough time no matter what you would’ve done” and continue to comfort me. It never really stopped. It just lessened. But every day it hurts knowing she’s still not here.
Most my grandfather 14 years ago, sometimes it still feels like yesterday. He was my person. The funeral and interment for me was the absolute worst. I was a puddle for days. But then my grandmother wasted no time cleaning all of his stuff out of their home. I’m not one for keeping stuff, objects don’t hold nearly the value of the memories themselves. Anyway, there was one thing I wanted of my pap’s, his pipe collection. He had a really neat pipe tree with a glass canister for the tobacco and always smoked Prince Albert tobacco. I loved the smell of it and always remembered my pap with one of his pipes. My gram gave everything to one cousin, who the rest of the family hates. I was devastated. I never forgave her for that. Totally gutted me.
There wasn’t a single moment where it “hit”… But it did last for years.
Years down the road when you think you’ve gotten past the hard stuff, it’ll be the smallest thing that will make you think of them, hearing someone’s laugh that sounds similar, stumbling across something they loved, that one thing they did that brought you endless comfort, and it won’t be the memories that hurt, those are invaluable now. The yearning for a hug but no one else on the face of the earth will hug you like they did. It hurts the most when you think you’ve gotten past it, because it’s always there
My grandpa died I few years ago. I remember when I was young he would always play with me. Then one day I’m watching tv and my dad rushes out the door. I called him after a few minutes and he tells me “grandpa is gone.” I cried for 6 hours. Then when we went to my grandma’s house a few days later I asked where grandpa was. I wasn’t ready for him to be gone
I had a moment of realization leaving my mother in the hospital, that there was nothing I could do. It hurt so bad, I almost tore my steering wheel off in the parking lot. That night, I got a call about taking her off of life support as there were no other options, I went with the doctors recommendation and we took her off. I remember the moment. I relive the moment every day. I feel responsible for ending her life every day. It never leaves. It varies I’m severity day to day but the pain, guilt and helplessness has never gone away.
I am not a model of how to deal with this. I spiralled into depression and have yet to crawl out.