What are some lessons you learned from previous relationships?

What are some lessons you learned from previous relationships?

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  1. I dated a few people seriously before I met my spouse. Two big takeaways:

    1) all the sweet romantic things I did to get the girl should have been a continued effort. I got lazy in the relationship, and that made her feel neglected. I couldn’t take the complaining and called it quits.

    2) physical attraction isn’t everything, but it is absolutely essential for me. I told myself I would be more physically attracted as I got to know her. That didnt happen, which made breaking up with a person I admired (but didnt want to sleep with) really difficult.

  2. If your committed relationship just doesn’t feel like it’s working, but you don’t really know why, it doesn’t require more work to make it better. It requires the confidence to know that it is ok to say no and walk away.
    Save yourself some time. Always trust your gut, it’s telling you something.

  3. Shouldn’t feel guilty/ashamed for sharing your feelings/thoughts with your partner. If you feel like you can’t be your true self then you should reevaluate your relationship. After the honeymoon phase wore off, I recognized that I wasn’t comfortable being myself and tried to break things off. She begged me to stay and I ended up staying for 2 more years before everything fell apart. I came to the conclusion again that I wasn’t comfortable being myself, decided one night that I was going to break up with her the next day. The next day her sister calls me and says she has been cheating on me. We had been on break the week leading up to it and I was having such a hard time coming to terms that I wanted to end it. I thought she was this fantastic person that could do no wrong. Man was I blind. Broke up with her right after I found out and haven’t had contact with her since. It’s been two months. I guess another lesson would be to trust your gut/instinct/subconscious mind.

  4. I lived with my [now] ex-girlfriend and we dated for 4 years. There were certainly a lot of red flags early on in the relationship with her inability to effectively communicate, which often resulted in shouting matches where she would just yell for 10 minutes – Over the course of those 4 years I actually only yelled at her one time, she noticed that it was “scary,” it was very late in our relationship and I was at a point where it was frustrating to be talked down to constantly, and never have an opportunity to talk.

    I learned a lot about how to treat my next relationship [my now wife] based upon how not to act:

    * When communication is tough, I really try to pursue open dialogue, to prevent any type of shouting or yelling [so far, I don’t think either of us has had to raise our voice at each other, ever].
    * I learned that violence is never the answer, ever. . .And was always on guard to know when to walk away from future relationships.
    * I learned that if I wanted something I needed to communicate it, and that by not communicating it I was not giving my partner a fair chance.
    * I learned that if I wanted my partner to do things for me that may be inconvenient to her, that I also had to act the same way and expect to sometimes do things that weren’t exactly what I wanted.
    * I learned that not all problems get solved overnight by the only way to ever solve a problem is with time and communication.

    Overall I’d say my current relationship is a success – It has its flaws like any relationship does, but I fully attribute being able to hold onto my girlfriend [now wife] to knowing exactly what not to do.

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