What’s a funny story you want to share?

What’s a funny story you want to share?

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  1. We went to a super hero party. I was dressed as the Green Latern. My buddy was Orgazmo from that comedy. He had a super soaker full of tequila. Dozens of people dressed up and lots of alcohol. As the party went on I became very drunk and stupid. I guess I decided to do a flying leap off the deck railing and tackled my buddy. We proceeded to wrestle in the yard. I twisted him into a pretzel until people started to yell about the blood. I had ripped a big skin flap open on the back of my head. I was bleeding all over. So Wonder woman, a Powerpuff girl, Superman, Orgazmo, and bloody Green Latern went to get me stitches. As we walked into the hospital the nurse says ” omg Green Latern what happened?” It turns out the hospital was too busy to treat me right away, so we left and went to the drug store. They bandaged my head then we went to the bar. People thought I was covered in fake blood. I got a lot of compliments. As the night wore on my buddy and I met some ladies. They agreed to come back to our place and hang out. Eventually I showed them that my head wound was real and they ran out the door so fast! My friends think this story is funny but I admit it is kind of gross 😝

  2. The summer after my parents divorce I went to the coast with my mom. I didn’t have any friends so I got really into surfing. I kept wanting to catch bigger and bigger waves. I wanted to fly to Portugal to catch some of the worlds biggest waves, but I didn’t have enough money. I started working at the local golf club, getting people drinks and retrieving balls from the range. One afternoon after a long day of power washing the food court, my manager fires me for not answering the phones. Nobody told me about the phones, so I stole a duffle bag full of golf balls on the way out. I sell the balls at a pawn shop and the guy is like “some of these balls are turtle eggs”. So I take the eggs home and spend all day googling how to take care of turtle eggs. I buy them a heat lamp and aquarium. I get home and I can’t find the eggs anywhere. I left them in some blankets on the radiator, so I ask my mom where’d the blanket go. She doesn’t respond. I walk into her room and she’s writhing on the ground holding a screwdriver. She had shorted the fuse with her screw driver and that’s why the power was out! I panicked. My mom was pregnant with twins at the time and I wasn’t sure what’d happen if they died before they were baptized (I know now). I call 911 but forget to mention the turtle eggs because it slipped my mind in the commotion. The cops show up and defibrillate my mom. She wakes up and is immediately pissed because she doesn’t have insurance. The cops see my dog on the floor having a seizure and they’re like “do you want us to do anything about that?” They call an ambulance for the dog and I ride along with them. The pet hospital does an X-ray and there’s something in the dogs stomach. They find out he had eaten the turtle eggs and that they were actually full of cocaine. The police got called in again and the dog had to stay the night, but luckily our pet insurance covered it. The cops arrested my manager at the golf course and gave me a reward for tipping them off. The reward was enough to go to Portugal and finally surf the biggest waves. Quite serendipitous wouldn’t you say?

  3. Okay, maybe not funny and more so sad. But the girl and I laugh about it till this day! When I was in high school, I had a friend named Marcia. Marcia transferred to our school sophomore year of hs. When she transferred to our school, rumors immediately started spreading that she was a woman of the night. If you get my drift. I was a virgin all throughout hs and didn’t mind having a friend who was experienced. But the school I went to smh, don’t ever let them find out you were having sex. A guy she slept with before she transferred told everyone that she was a whore etc. They would say I was a hoe by association. I never cared either because as long as I know, am I right? One day Marcia and I are headed to the train. I lived close by so I sometimes walked her to the bus/train area. As we’re walking some guys behind us start up the famous question they love to ask, Aren’t you ____, that whore who fucked such and such. Now see Marcia would always ignore it, but me oh nahhhh. Lmaooo I should’ve left it alone. Those who can guess, I sure didn’t leave it alone. I turn and I say, why are you so worried about her, she’s never going to fuck you. Ohhhh they didn’t like that lol. Some words were exchanged, and before I know it, she saw something I didn’t. She started pulling me across the street, next thing I know the sky got dark! Why did the sky get dark you ask? Oh, cause they started throwing stones!!! Lmaooooo when I say throwing stones I don’t mean like one or two I’m talking about at this point half the school start throwing stones at us Ctfu…

  4. I was at my friend house, and we are trying to make lamen but the stove of his house was the classic mid low class brazilian stove, what means that we need a lighter to turn it on and heat the water, but in an act of stupidity we steel the lighter from the neighbors house, and set fire to your report card, i dont need to say that this is a dumb idea, so we turn on the stove and i put the pan with water on the stove and he are trying to put out the paper that by this point was already completely on fire, after a hole minute of this (the paper still on firer) he throw the paper at the corner of the living room were conveniently has a curtain, and when the curtain started to catch fire i throw a bucket of water and put out the fire. Now we place a big plant that his grandma had and dry the living room, but after all of this I realized that i had accidentally turned off the stove. We ended up going make the lamen in my house

    Obs: his grandma just found out that we almost put fire in the house like 3 weeks later

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