What’s your favorite joke by a stand-up comedian?

What’s your favorite joke by a stand-up comedian?

What do you think?

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  1. Mitch Hedburg: “I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut. I don’t need a receipt for a doughnut. I’ll just give you the money, you give me the doughnut. End of transaction. We don’t need to bring ink and paper into this.” It goes on and is wonderful.

  2. Chris Titus telling this story about his mother

    Paraphrasing because it’s been years since I heard it

    His Dad: Hey son, so your mother was in therapy and it helped her realize all the issues over the years was her fault and she wanted to make amends.

    Chris: Oh how’s she doing that.

    Dad: Well… she killed herself

    Chris: oh….. um did she take anyone else with her?

    Dad: You know that was my first question too.

  3. Don’t remember his name but heard a guy talk about traveling with his mom. At a restaurant, the waiter refers to him as her husband. Without missing a beat she says “He’s not my husband Dear, he’s a male prostitute I picked up on the cheap on account of his lazy eye.”

    I pulled that one on my brother at a store (he deserved it after telling a nurse at the hospital while visiting our dying mother that I was his wife and his sister).

  4. Bernie Mac’s back to back pussy jokes, first the one about pussy coming in cans, and then the does pussy taste like pumpkin pie joke. To this day, when I say a joke, I often yell, “KICK IT!! you dont understand” lol

  5. I love Demetri Martin’s bit about how some words aren’t interchangeable but mean the same thing. Like “beeswax” and “business” and “okay” and “okee-dokee”.

    “Doctor, how’s my wife?”

    “Well, I have bad news, she’s not going to be okee-dokee.”

  6. “You know when someone sends you a picture of their food when you never asked for it? Send them a picture of your caca. Before and after shots.”

    ~George Lopez

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