What’s your favorite joke by a stand-up comedian? by QuestionGuy May 25, 2021, 11:11 pm What’s your favorite joke by a stand-up comedian? What do you think? 12 Points Upvote Downvote AskAskMeComedianFavoritejokeQuestion and AnswerstandupWhats See more Previous article Ebola: Are Treatments, Vaccines on the Horizon? An experimental serum grown in specially modified tobacco leaves made headlines this week when it was given to two Americans stricken with Ebola. Companies involved in other treatments and vaccines in the development pipeline say they need funding in order to proceed. Next article Fast-Slow Walking May Be Better for Diabetes Periods of power walking mixed with strolling at a more leisurely pace may be a more effective way for people with diabetes to control their blood sugar levels, rather than walking at a constant speed, according to a small study. 42 Comments Leave a Reply The Salt and Pepper Diner Log in to Reply Jim Jefferies – Gun Control Log in to Reply It’s more of a segment than a single joke, but Bill Burrs deciding to buy a gun Log in to Reply Mitch Hedburgs joke about his states fire prevention mascot. Log in to Reply Jimmy Carr “If you want my come back you’ll have scrape it off your moms teeth” Log in to Reply I bought some powdered water, but I don’t know what to add. – Steven Wright Log in to Reply louis ck talking about suicide. Log in to Reply Louis CK’s “Of course, but maybe” joke. Log in to Reply Bert Kreischer’s “The Machine” story Log in to Reply Kevin Heart. – I think if you get kicked in the face you deserved it because that means that you watched the foot come to your face. Log in to Reply [deleted] Log in to Reply ~~Michael Richards~~ Log in to Reply Patrice O’Neal Pepsi can killer bit. Log in to Reply Bill Burr’s joke about Schwarzenegger’s cheating. Log in to Reply **I hear you are The Machine…** Log in to Reply sebastian maniscalco joke about self check out Log in to Reply Christopher Titus “I fell into a bonfire” Log in to Reply Mitch Hedburg: “I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut. I don’t need a receipt for a doughnut. I’ll just give you the money, you give me the doughnut. End of transaction. We don’t need to bring ink and paper into this.” It goes on and is wonderful. Log in to Reply A MOTH WALKS INTO A PODIATRIST’S OFFICE. Log in to Reply Patton Oswalt- the bit about he and his wife interrupting an orgy while trying to tour a house. Log in to Reply Steve Martin [reminiscing about an old girlfriend](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_AiU9i4lEg) Log in to Reply Emo Phillips. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. Log in to Reply Shitty babies – Louis CK Log in to Reply Chris Titus telling this story about his mother Paraphrasing because it’s been years since I heard it His Dad: Hey son, so your mother was in therapy and it helped her realize all the issues over the years was her fault and she wanted to make amends. Chris: Oh how’s she doing that. Dad: Well… she killed herself Chris: oh….. um did she take anyone else with her? Dad: You know that was my first question too. Log in to Reply Don’t remember his name but heard a guy talk about traveling with his mom. At a restaurant, the waiter refers to him as her husband. Without missing a beat she says “He’s not my husband Dear, he’s a male prostitute I picked up on the cheap on account of his lazy eye.” I pulled that one on my brother at a store (he deserved it after telling a nurse at the hospital while visiting our dying mother that I was his wife and his sister). Log in to Reply Tom Segura about how old black guys talk loud and aggressively with cops on that first 48 hours show Log in to Reply Bill Burr and the muffins Log in to Reply Bernie Mac’s back to back pussy jokes, first the one about pussy coming in cans, and then the does pussy taste like pumpkin pie joke. To this day, when I say a joke, I often yell, “KICK IT!! you dont understand” lol Log in to Reply LBGTQQQUIIBBDHENDBDISNAIOKRBE… -DAVE CHAPPELL Log in to Reply Your funeral Log in to Reply You don’t watch the news do you ? Log in to Reply I don’t know, something from Ryan Long, AwakenWithJP or Fredrik Andersson. Log in to Reply I love Demetri Martin’s bit about how some words aren’t interchangeable but mean the same thing. Like “beeswax” and “business” and “okay” and “okee-dokee”. “Doctor, how’s my wife?” “Well, I have bad news, she’s not going to be okee-dokee.” Log in to Reply All of Gary Delaney’s jokes. They’re just so clever. Log in to Reply “I went to the doctor. All he did was suck blood from my neck. Do not go see Dr. Acula” Log in to Reply definitely the racist gift basket- Gabriel Iglesias Log in to Reply 🎵You can coommmee on my baackkk aaaand pretend that I’m your father, I am dead, I don’t mind 🎶 Log in to Reply History of America by way of [snacks](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3RIZ-b1omc) Log in to Reply anything from pete davidson or john mulaney Log in to Reply Billy Connolly – [Diced Carrots](https://youtu.be/oKMQKgSnGy8) Log in to Reply Kevin Heart – Gun Compartment. Had me and my dad crying Log in to Reply “You know when someone sends you a picture of their food when you never asked for it? Send them a picture of your caca. Before and after shots.” ~George Lopez Log in to Reply Leave a Reply Cancel replyYou must be logged in to post a comment.