What’s your most delicious poor man’s meal?

What’s your most delicious poor man’s meal?

What do you think?

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  1. Ramen.

    You can put anything in with Ramen, literally deli meat, cheese, chives, bacon, and so much more. I learned that Ramen doesn’t need to be just noodles it can be with jalopenos as well.

  2. Pasta salad with peanut sauce. Cook the pasta with some frozen peas and carrots, drain, mix with sauce. The sauce is peanut butter mixed with a few squirts of italian dressing and some added salt. Incredibly cheap and delicious, high protein because of the PB, and enough carbs to give me energy for the rest of the day. The whole thing costs less than a dollar.

  3. Fried taters with diced up SPAM!

    Pinto beans, fried taters and a slab if cornbread.

    Sliced hotdogs in tomato sauce poured over white rice.

    Hamburger gravy over mashed taters.

  4. Top ramen and hot sauce. Id honestly eat it still if it wasn’t so high in sodium. I think it was like 10 cents for a pack. Does not get cheaper than that.

    I’ve seriously been at the point where I had to look for change in a parking lot to go in and buy it. Huge life saver. And it left me stuffed.

  5. Maggie noodles or Yippie noodles. Both are quite popular in instant noodles.

    After this, mostly the street food. Like, *AlooBonda* (आलूबोंडा) a mashed potato covered with gram flour and then deep fried, or *Bhel* (also famously known as *JhalMuri* in other parts of India) it’s a mixture of puffed rice snack plus, different spices.

  6. Toast the bread. Smear BBQ sauce on bread. Microwave some slices of ham for a few seconds. Add your cheese of choice, I prefer Swiss. Assemble. Cheap, delicious “BBQ pork” sandwich.

  7. You can make perfect pancakes from just sugar, water, and self rising flour. Once you can eyeball the ratios you can swap in brown sugar, cinnamon sugar, cornbread mix, anything really. Cream of wheat is fire. Dry ramen ain’t so bad if you open a little hole in the bag and breathe in it first so the seasoning sticks. Keeps you full longer since it swells up inside ya.

  8. Found a tin of tuna on sale? Cool. Get that. Skipjack, blackjack, haddock pretending to be crab pretending to be tuna, doesn’t matter. Get it.

    Put a good-sized pot of water on your electric stove in the smelly apartment you pay, like, 60% of your take-home for and the fucking landlord doesn’t understand laws and shit. Let that come to a boil.

    Take a frying pan that you wrap in a big ass ziploc bag because fucked if I know whether that is mould or it’s just something else but Dmitri the handyman says it is fine but he says that shit over the phone, and turn the heat to medium low.

    Once the water comes to a boil, close the balcony door cuz that guy is screaming again, the guy that ends every sentence as a question by saying the n-word in a rising cadence, salt it liberally.

    Add a good squirt of olive oil to the frying pan.

    Add your pasta of choice to the boiling water, but don’t crowd the pot. There’s eight Indian dudes in the two bedroom next door and they are really nice but why is there eight of them? And with 26 floors there gotta be at least a few more eight-fers here, right? I like linguine.

    Be sure to stir the pasta a fair bit at the start so it doesn’t stick to each other. Also, keep it at high heat so it gets back to a rolling boil fairly quickly. Chop some garlic and add it to the pan.

    If that guy is knocking on your door to beg for ‘just one smoke’ have it handy and run and don’t get caught up in the thank-you’s, you got pasta on the stove man.

    Crack open that can of flaked gold and give your cat a nice tuna water treat. If you like the sound of her meows of expectation, hold off and pretend that it is a human person that likes your company. Stir the pasta again. Don’t forget that shit.

    Your garlic should be gently frying, bubbling in the oil but not browning. Add the tuna from the can to the pan. “Can to the pan then stir the pasta, man,” if you like rhymes to remember stuff. Like “he’s a dick, he’ll prolly try to evict.”

    The tuna will absorb the oil but don’t add more right now, we’ll see what’s what later. Just keep the heat gentle and stir it about. Also stir the pasta again. Now, pull out a strand of pasta and bite it in half. Does it still have some white in the middle? Not done yet. Is the white gone but you are thinking “It’s not done yet, my life and hopes and happiness are done, but this linguine isn’t”? You are only correct about your life and hopes and happiness, the pasta is fucking done. Now, don’t strain it and dirty a colander you can’t even fit into the hobbit-sized sink where the hot water is never hot and the cold isn’t cold so how the fuck does that work? Just take some tongs and lift the pasta out and into the frying pan. Whatever pasta water sticks to the linguine goes into the pan too. Use the tongs to mix it around in the pan. Add pepper if you like but no salt, like none, like the amount of fucking washing machines that are both available and working on a Tuesday at, like, 1pm. How the fuck are there so many underemployed and so few machines? I don’t even know any more.

    Taste the pasta. If it seems just a tad dry, drizzle on some olive oil. If it seems a tad too “al dente” it fucking isn’t. It’s fine. You will like it now and learn to love it later, like your rent controlled, shit, sad apartment that due to inflation is more of a lucky break and a fucking prison at the same time.

    If you are one of them poor-rich-rich folks, grate some parmesan on top. If you are poor-poor-rich, shake some parmesan out the container. If you are poor-poor-poor, dump that shit on the floor, yell “what’s the fucking point”, pick up Miss Meow Meow and that half-26 of whiskey your friend “leant you” and go down a reddit rabbit hole.

    Buon appetito.

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